Bob and Bob and Bob and Bob the Duck
What does a farting cartoon duck have to do with vintage baseball cards?
Nothing at all!
And that didn't happen either...
So you (kinda) get it here!
In order to keep things interesting, I will tell the complete story of Bob the Duck, but I will mix on some of the other Bobs that live in the archives.
Hold on tight, it's gonna be a veritable Bob-A-Palooza!
"Somebody step on a duck?"
Bob's second appearance came in March 1994, in Wasted Quarter issue #6. The comics weren't a regular feature in Wasted Quarter, but something I would bring in when I was running short of ideas, and had a chunk of blank paper to fill.
Before I decided that Bob would wear boots all the time, I decided that he would appear in boots in only one panel of the planned 4. It was also decided early on that Bob would not talk. Instead, he would hold up signs to communicate. As to where these signs came from, why would I need to explain that?
The third Bob cartoon appeared in Wasted Quarter #9 (October 1994), but it was drawn by Freelance Dan this time around. He chose to honor WQ's 1 year anniversary in this way.
His Bob cartoon was included in an envelope dropped off at the 99 Spillihp late one night... Amongst various other Freelance Dan submissions for the Wasted Quarter 1 year anniversary issue.
How about some other Bob's?
Back in high school, my friend Tracy Prady and I used to pass notes to each other between classes (like everyone did in those days). However, our notes were fully illustrated with cartoons of events and people going on in our lives at the time. This cartoon was of a girl that Tracy named "Bob". I don't remember who "Bob" actually was, but I've always liked the cartoon she drew of her.
Wasted Quarter Issue #15 saw me drawing Bob again, in the comic strip; Bob the Duck (with Problem Flatulence) in “Live From Mexico!”
Bob the Duck took the winter off, and didn't come back until the Spring of 1995. The return to print introduced a character that made only one other appearance in Wasted Quarter, “Pedro the Mexican Elf”. While Pedro was a fun enough character to draw, the idea of him did nothing for me. I was looking to expand Bob's universe, adding characters to interact with Bob. Though most of them would just hurt Bob gastronomically.
Pedro was ruled out rather quickly.
Next up for the role of Bob's friend, was the still unnamed "Fat Japanese Kid". Who existed solely to reference Drawing With Ace. Which I'm not even going to get into at this point.
Another inside joke that maybe two people with think is funny, then wrapping up with a fart...
I was aiming high these days!
Here's some Bob's that probably wouldn't think Bob is funny, such as...
Wasted Quarter issue #17 had a whole lotta Bob the Duck. In addition to my own strip, Freelance Dan drew up a two page spread. It has long been one of my favorite Freelance Dan pieces for WQ, an excellent cartoon tribute to my little farting duck. He declared April 19th, 1995 as Bob The Duck with Problem Flatulence Day! And illustrated Bob with various celebrities.
Bob could be found posing with President Clinton, Trent Reznor, the crew of MST3K and Courtney Love.
Also running in fear from Michael Stipe, while taking time to co-star in a Pulp Fiction remake.
My own offering in WQ17 was some comic based illustrations inspired by late night gas station hanging with Doktor John. Cleverly titled, Bob the Duck (with Problem Flatulence) in An Inside Joke.
This comic strip features the only time where Bob the Duck spoke.
Current events with a farting duck! I then decided that Bob would forever be regulated to speech only through the holding up of signs express his duck thoughts...
As far as Bob cartoons go, this one of my least favorites...
These Bob's aren't fans either...
Bob & Doug McKenzie
Lazy Bob the Duck took the Summer off and returned in the fall of 1995, with “Pressure Builds”, in Wasted Quarter issue #21.
This Bob cartoon has the first appearance of Bob's "best friend" Mr. Penguin. Even though I quickly killed him off at the end, Mr. Penguin has been routinely brought back to be Bob's wing man. (Pun intended...)
I'm not going to get into the thinly veiled story I'm telling here, it's one that has been thankfully lost to time.
Bob likes bagels... There's your moral.
I'm not sure if these Bob's like bagels, and I also don't know if they're related...
Since it's easier to introduce new characters than come up with any actual plots, Wasted Quarter issue #22 saw another Bob comic debut, Mitch the Barbarian! The new character would star in a Bob comic that I titled: Bob the Duck with Problem Flatulence in Sweet Vindication!
The character of Mitch the Barbarian is based on something dating back to Junior High School. The scab of which had been recently picked clean at the 99 Spillihp, so it became a comic strip! Mitch the Barbarian would give Bob an actual enemy. One that would take random breaks from chugging beer in order to beat him up from time to time. But Mitch would have an enemy too...
One that would defend Bob against his drunken Neanderthal attacker.
This edition of Bob the Duck also marked the first appearance of Mr. Grizzley Bear!
The character of Mr. Grizzley Bear came from a Coon Rapids High School Art Class Homecoming Button design assignment. Obviously, that meant we were to submit a design for the upcoming Coon Rapids High School Annual Homecoming Blowout Bonanza (or whatever it was called), with the theme being "Bomb the Bears". I bet that slogan wouldn't fly 25 years later.
Well, I hated high school... Couldn't stand the art teacher... And I loathe football!
So giving the assignment next to zero effort, this was my Homecoming Button design:
I got a C on this!
And I would still be proud to wear that button...
And so would these Bob's...
I don't have an actual photo of Bob Dole. But I do have a photo of his house in Kansas!
Wasted Quarter had recently gotten it's second review in R. Seth Freidman’s magazine, Fact Sheet 5. The first review pissed me off because it was lazy. The second review pissed me off even more because it was... EVEN MORE LAZY!!! RSF pretty much just reprinted the review for Wasted Quarter issue #9, taking out the WQ9 references and replacing them with WQ20 references. Getting some of them wrong in the process... Nothing mentioned about how much Wasted Quarter had improved in a year and a half. Just belching out more hack opinions about Dotty Computer Printing (despite my abandoning of the Dot Matrix printer after WQ10).
Screw you R. Seth Freidman! Deal with the DUCK!
These Bob's never annoyed me to the point where I had to draw cartoon revenge...
Bob in Blue
At some point you outgrow mopey teen angst.
Bob in Wasted Quarter didn't happen again until early 1997. After moving from Crapids to Denver in 1996, I was finally ready to draw a new Bob the Duck for issue #29. There had been several issues and almost a year since Bob had last appeared in Wasted Quarter. To satisfy the growing question; “Where was Bob The Duck?” I wrote and illustrated the “Bob the Duck Cartoon Extravaganza!” A three page feature of everything Bob related. From the cast down to the "ideas" I had -besides a duck- to play the part of Bob.
Bob was also featured at his various possible day jobs, (I guess full time flatulator would be only a hobby?) such as a line cook, drill sergeant, decoy, or my least favorite, a gas station employee. I decided to leave Bob’s job a mystery.
Did he really need to work?
Nine months later, this Bob comic strip was very poorly animated for the Wasted Quarter CD Rom. Which amused some people at the Art College Art Show, but has been largely unseen since. I still have it on some disk in the archives.
And the less said about Bippy the Wonder Condom the better...
So more Bob's then!
Bob's Big Boy
No Bob the Duck cartoon appeared in Wasted Quarter issue #32. I had started writing: "Bob the Duck Meets God the God", but never finished it. It started out with Bob being knocked unconscious by a falling Phillips 66 sign. He would then meet God, and stuff would happen. It may or may not have been funny...
Unfortunately, this cartoon never went anywhere after it started. I never printed it, and as far as I know, this is the first time anyone has ever seen it.
I know these Bob's have never seen it...
My friend Bob from the late 1990's days of giving rides to pizza.
(I know he reads Four Baggers!)
Wasted Quarter issue #38 was my 5th Anniversary Spectacular! At 80 pages, this would be the largest single issue of Wasted Quarter I'd written to that point. I hand drew the cover with a caricature of myself sitting at my drawing desk at my apartment in Englewood, Colorado. The former Freelance Dan made a poster sized blow up of this cover for the 2004 Minneapolis Zine Fest, still a bright highlight of that brief 2003-2005 Minnesota return I did...
The 5th Anniversary issue showed off some stories and things I had cut before printing. Amongst them was an unreleased Bob cartoon, from about six months earlier Around the time I started writing Bob the Duck Meets God the God, I was cutting back on the size of Wasted Quarter issues. To commemorate the decrease, I decided on a single panel Bob, patterned much like the painfully unfunny Family Circus cartoons.
A new 3 page Bob the Duck epic appeared in the 5th Anniversary Issue. A simple yet grand celebration of 5 years of Wasted Quarter, celebrated by Bob and his friends. Which served as an opportunity to introduce even more new members to the Bobiverse.
Among them, a former Crapids High School wrassler from the late 1970's, that had a giant afro. Tracy and I found his pictures in old yearbooks, and decided that we needed to keep them. I used some of those giant afro head pictures in a later Bob cartoon, but decided against reproducing them here. I don't need to get sued over something this stupid...
Another new player in the Bob the Duck Universe was Scary Man. I lifted the concept of Scary Man from the cartoons that Tracy and I would pass back and forth in high school. Scary Man was based on a weird guy that rode her bus and glared evilly at us in the halls. His sidekick "Crisco" has a can of cooking grease for a head, with really tiny breasts.
(Another high school inspired character...)
But I've always loved the character of Scary Man -and the world we made up for him- back in Tracy and my old high school notes, so much that he simply had to cross over into the Bobiverse. (In late 1997, Wasted Quarter issue #33 "Coon Rapids High School Can Kiss My Ass" featured Tracy's old cartoons on nearly every page.)
A Scary Man classic, drawn by Tracy in early 1991.
These Bob's are absolutely NOT scary...
In May 1993, an episode of 201 Proof Television aired where we took out our displeasure on the new Country Music station blasting "Farm Emo" across the Twin Cities. "Six" wrote this sign up in my notebook and held it up the camera during our show. We even called WBOB live on public access TV to harass whoever answered the phone. It was stupid. Moving on...
Jay & Silent Bob?
For Halloween 2014, My Buddie Brad and I donned costumes of Jay and Silent Bob... Well, it's not like me wearing a hockey jersey and trenchcoat is much of a stretch. Can't help it if I look like Kevin Smith in my everyday life. At least before he lost all that weight...
Transitions be damned...
Little Bob and the Endless Grind
Doktor John once wrote a children's book titled Little Bob and the Endless Grind for a school project. He later gave me the only copy ever made.
John also illustrated a late night encounter outside an adult bookstore in downtown Minneapolis, that took place between myself and a homeless man...
This happened in the early morning of December 31st, 1999. After the adult bookstore, and breakfast at Crapids Perkins, Doktor John and I sat in his parents basement watching TV, waiting to see if any of the rumored Y2K disasters would take place in Australia. Since they'd be flipping over to 2000 before any of us in the U.S. would. Of course nothing happened on the TV, so we amused ourselves by trying to draw some of the worst cartoon characters that we could come up with.
Which started when John said that he would write the Bob the Duck cartoon for the next issue of Wasted Quarter. But he would only draw a "Stick Duck".
We decided the Stick Duck would be named Bob Loo (named after a sound Crazy Cary made while imitating vomit), and he would be British.
Newer characters were then scribbled out in the notebook by us. Each of them worse than the one before it. Each of them making us laugh harder and harder. Sorry you didn't get the joke Maria, just go back to sleep...
While not intended at the time, some of them were brought into a Bob the Duck comic I was writing about that very Minnesota Vacation. Part one of which would appear in Wasted Quarter issue #46.
These Bob's didn't appear in that -or any- issue...
As I just mentioned, Wasted Quarter issue #46 ran the comic, Bob The Duck (with Problem Flatulence) in Epic Tales of Adventure Part One. Inspired by events of that vacation to Crapids, in late December, 1999.
Caring less about forming a coherent plot, the cartoon was written to include as many in-jokes as I could cram into it. All stuff that was experienced and made up while hanging out with Doktor John, during the 2 weeks I spent there over the holidays.
This may make sense to outsiders, but I'm guessing it doesn't. The most important thing I needed to accomplish in writing this was to introduce Bob Loo The Stick Duck, and establish his minions.
I'm glad John didn't come up with anything overly complex to draw. My drawing skills necessitate keeping it simple.
Yeah... I remember that night...
But these Bob's know nothing of it...
Bob Chlupsa (with bonus Bob!)
Part 2 of the Bob cartoon didn't appear until almost another year later, in Wasted Quarter issue #48...
Burn Your Candle Apple Pants! (My favorite issue title of them all!)
Seemed like a good idea at the time...
After a little recap, and a little Bob Loo...
Scary Man and Mitch the Barbarian show up to kick Bob's unconscious ass.
Ahhh... LaShitta... Talk about someone that just didn't get it... Still want that picture of her Doktor?
Yeah, I don't drink anymore...
Cue some more racial stereotypes!
And we end with an odd tribute to Rodney Anoa'i, who died as I was writing the cartoon.
Because of course you have to!
Just ask these Bob's...
I never started the planned Bob the Duck cartoon I'd wanted to include in the 50th issue of Wasted Quarter, but I did throw this together in time for issue #51.
Matt Groening's Life In Hell books were a huge influence on me in my formative years. I decided to honor the Simpson's creator with a Life In Hell based Bob cartoon.
And I like it!
And so do these Bob's!
Wasted Quarter issue #54, I Don't Care What You Do As Long As It Doesn't Interfere With Basement. (Another great title, thanks Trav!) didn't have a planned Bob cartoon. But as I was putting together the final layout, I found that I was 2 pages short. With no Bob material pre-planned, I turned those 2 needed pages into Bob's Page Filler! Consisting of...
A Mitch the Barbarian Maze!
Good luck and happy drinkin!
The Bob the Duck and Mr. Penguin Coloring Page!
Have fun and stay within the lines!
Lastly, I filled up most of another page with Scary Man's Spooky Word Search!
Find as many references to the Bob the Duck Universe as you can! There's no prize, so just do it!
What do you say...
Back in January 2000, Doktor John and I were taking a variety of mind altering substances with others in DJ Wikka-Wikka No Ice Please's basement, when he proposed an idea of a cartoon where we were 100 foot tall robots. This conversation eventually turned into how we -as 100 foot tall robots- would go on to destroy the city of Coon Rapids. This conversation wasn't among our thousands of great ideas that would soon be forgotten, because this time I took notes!
Around this time, I was gathering notes and images that I had planned on using for my Big Steaming Pile of Crapids project. I'd decided that if there was ever a place in Wasted Quarter for the 100 Foot Robots idea, that issue would be it.
Years went by and the Crapids project was split into 5 separate issues of Wasted Quarter, the first one would be my long planned salute to 99 Spillihp, WQ66 Open All Night. Which was written throughout the year 2008. An online adaptation of the gas station years can be found here (part 1) and here (part 2).
Since 99 Spillihp was where Bob the Duck was first created, I chose this issue to start the Bob the Duck vs the 100 Foot Robots story that Doktor John and I brainstormed years ago. It was always intended on being a story that would span multiple issues. The first part would appear in WQ66, with the rest of the parts spread through the Crapids Quintilogy. As soon as it was written...
Before I get ahead of myself, here is the full comic of Bob the Duck (with Problem Flatulence) in Attack of the 100 Foot Robots, part 1:
The stage has been set with a quick introduction to Bob Loo (the British Stick Duck) and he game of evil and lame henchmen...
The 100 Foot Tall Robots are unleashed at Crapids High School, where they smash the building and gleefully stomp on hundreds of students fleeing the scene! And why wouldn't Crapids high have a 2 story girls locker room?
As if destroying the High School and stomping on teenagers isn't offensive enough, it was time to destroy Epiphany Church! Revealing the 100 Foot Robots secret of transformation, 100 Foot Robot Captain Honkass transforms into a giant bong, pre-filled with the choicest nugs of Colorado's finest cannabis.
Not that I would know anything about that...
And I just loved the idea of the 100 Foot Robots picking up cars from the parking lot and throwing them against the middle school building... Still makes me chuckle...
100 Foot Robot Doktor John had the secret power to transform into a giant bottle of Gentleman Jack Daniels. More inside jokes abound as I happily draw the destruction of my childhood neighborhood drowning in 100 Foot Robot vomit!
The 610 Bridge, Crapids Dam and the In-Town Suites were next to face the 100 Foot Robots wrath... Even Mitch the Barbarian, taking a break from drinking beer at Dumpies, was no match for their chaotic wake... Apologies for Mitch's foul mouth, but he was taught a lesson in being snipped in half...
Yup... A 100 Foot Robot masturbation joke... Because that's how my brain works...
Creekside Trailer Park, Riverdale Shopping Center and Cheap Skate were next to fall... (Along with a reference to the roller rink's real life past as a brothel for underage teen prostitutes.) Then one of my personal favorite 100 Foot Robot attacks, peeing lazer beams on Anoka Ramsey Community College!
100 Foot Robot destruction continues without Bob the Duck caring one bit, until the 99 Spillihp building -which had not yet been demolished in real life- is threatened, springing Bob into action and destroying the 100 Foot Robots via fart. How else would you do it?
Thanks late night Perkins visit for inspiring the most evil creation to appear in the Bob the Duck Universe...
The T-12 Scrambled!
How would Bob the Duck defeat such a massive and delicious enemy?
Are the 100 Foot Robots fully destroyed?
What would become of the mostly destroyed Coon Rapids?
Will even Shamrock Builders be able to clean up this mess?
Except that I never wrote the damn thing...
And neither did...
It's doubtful any of these Bob's would have drawn this for me...
Actually, I wouldn't... Just like the whole planned Crapids issue, it would go unwritten.
Although there were some real plans!
But yeah, I never wrote it.
The "next" panel after he sees the T-12 Scrambled, that Bob Loo (the British Stick Duck) had unleashed, would have been poor Bob the Duck getting sent back in time. Which was accomplished when the T-12 Scrambled shot Bob with a Maple and Boysenberry Syrup beam that put Bob in the real life land of Crapids. Circa 2013(-ish).
Long before the 100 Foot Robots Destroyed the town. Although 2013 was a full five years AFTER part 1 was drawn, so there's a HUGE problem right off the bat. But let's just pretend it makes sense...
After getting sent back to 2013-ish, Bob lands in Coon Creek. He swims northwards to...
The Oaks of Shenandoah!
Where Bob would set up camp at Bison Creek Park.
35 years ago, Bison Creek Park was just a series of swamps and trails, winding through dense woods and underbrush. Which was a really cool place to explore when you're around 8-10 years old. As the Oaks spread like the plague through my childhood stomping grounds, I watched them flatten that forest and "fill in" the swamps.
This softball field has seen most of center and right field sink back into a swampy muddy mess. The grass is always wet, and water seeps up to the surface after you walk on it. It wasn't that bad in the late 1980's and early 1990's, when I used to play baseball there. Now it's just a disaster that should have been seen long before the park was started.
The swamp that overtook center field was once much larger and had a huge fallen tree crossing it. My friend and I would cross the swamp via tree, and sometimes sit down in the middle above the water. Which was covered in thick green moss, so no water could be seen underneath it. I never fell in, but my friend did. He stood up coated in green slime.
Of all the possible locations for Bob to stay in Crapids, this was the only one I'd consider.
While in Crapids, instead of doing much of anything, Bob spent his days hanging out at the movies...
And hanging out at the mall...
However, Bob is starting to suspect that he's here for a reason. But he has no clue what that is...
After several attempts at diving, Bob was finally able to tell the whole community the truth about what was truly at the bottom of the Clayhole...
But I'm not going to tell you what Bob found!
There were originally plans to have one of Bob Loo's henchman driving the car, which is why I didn't crop the dashboard out. Likely would have been Leg With Face driving the car, because he has no arms.
The dead and destroyed and disembodied head of 100 Foot Robot Doktor John, landed in the Riverdale parking lot of Dick's. Because that's funny to me!
Riverdale is where Bob Loo and his gang of really lame villains met up after going back into the past. To 2013-ish... If there is any place more appropriate for a diabolically evil plan to come together in Crapids, Riverdale is definitely the place!
Oblivious to their arrival, Bob the Duck continues trying to figure out why he's in 2013-ish Coon Rapids. He wastes his days away at high school sporting events...
And hanging around at other malls...
Bob even joins a rec hockey league on Sunday afternoons.
Do you know why Bob loves hockey?
Because it's all fast... And hitting... And fast hitting...
Bob the Duck would start attending classes at Anoka Ramsey, but was stuck taking remedial speech since the school was discriminating against him for only speaking via sign. Bob was also unaware that Boris the Sidewalk Crack was spying on him as he loitered instead of going to class.
While hiding from responsibility, Bob was going to find a strange time warp in Anoka Ramsey's parking lot. Taking him all the way back to 1995, back when Burger Time was still open! Bigger Burger Combos for Bob instead of the Bitches at A.R.!!! Bort!
And their milkshakes would make him farty of course...
Like blowing up the Egret Street bridge over Highway 10, with Mr. Mute Ladle's help.
Still stuck in a time warp, Bob The Duck would rapidly catching up to present times. Now he's at the tail end of 2003, hanging out at Flintwood.
Tail... Get it?
Eventually Bob Loo would get frustrated with his plan's failure, lamenting: "If only I had funding..."
Then a whole buncha more stuff was going to happen. Even in addition to predictable farting. Bob would at some point meet up with his allies, as he continued to catch up to Bob Loo and present day.
Which led to all the problems that killed this story.
Was it just Bob the Duck that went back in time?
How do Mr. Penguin, Fat Japanese Kid or even the 1978 High School Wrasslin Champion figure in?
And when do they show up?
How would the 100 Foot Robots get built, let alone destroyed?
And how could their head be present if they were never built before they were destroyed?
How did the T-12 Scrambled figure into all this?
And what was it doing while everyone was back in time?
How exactly do I destroy the T-12 Scrambled through Bob?
And how do I get there?
Then I realized I was in way over my head as a cartoonist and comic writer,
so I scrapped the whole thing and moved on to other projects...
But I do remember how it was going to wrap up!
Which was left in the middle of the Port Riverwalk Redevelopment project.
And no one even noticed.
Bobby The Brain Heenan
So that is all I've got on Bob the Duck. I've touched on everything in his past and present.
Bob's future? Who knows...
Wasted Quarter's future? Who knows...
It's a brand new year and the possibilities are endless.
Happy New Year all!