Dinner Break! - Famous Dave's - Coon Rapids, MN

My experience with the Crapids Famous Dave’s includes eating here only one time. Meaning there’s not a whole lot I can say about this restaurant, in and of itself. So if you’re expecting some spectacular multi-level dissertation of local smoked pork product providers, you may just want to find someone else’s photo-heavy internet blog about local closed up restaurants.

I’m sure there are a bunch of them out there...

What I can offer is the story of what the Crapids Famous Dave’s meant to me, and to one of my closest friends. And to one other person who... Well, we’ll get to that...

 

In December 2019, it was announced that Famous Dave’s would close at some point in 2020. No date was mentioned, just that the restaurant would close. The building would be demolished and replaced by yet another bank and some new in-line retail, possibly with a smaller Dave’s on the north end. One that would focus more on carry out orders, rather than dine-in.

Without knowing when Dave’s would up and go away, I decided to snap a few pictures of the property on January 12, 2020. This was a Sunday morning on my way to my parent’s house for breakfast, so photography was contained to a very brief drive around the parking lot. It was really cold that morning, so I didn’t want to get out of my car.

The Dave’s sign, on the corner of Main Street and Northdale Blvd.

The neon fire at the bottom did look kind of cool when it was lit up.

Looking across the parking lot, at the Famous Dave’s restaurant.

Behind this wall is the bar and a small seating area.

The Famous Dave’s main entrance. 

These pictures were taken in January 2020. Before the pandemic hit, when life was a little closer to normal than it is today. So Famous Dave's closure and subsequent demolition had nothing to to with Covid-19 cutting restaurant capacity, and business for every restaurant in the country. But I’m going to go further back now. All the way to February, 2007. When Famous Dave’s had recently opened, and a very brief period where the Coon Rapids Famous Dave's had a little bit of relevance to my life. 

This story I'm about to tell could be considered a prequel to the Anoka Perkins story from last year. The events I'm going to cover here, tie into the late night boothrotting session described there... If you care... That rhymed...

In February, 2007, my parents would drive to Florida and board a cruise to the Bahamas. A couple of months before, I was asked if I was interested in coming back to house sit while they were gone. Frustration with my job led me to quickly agree and take three weeks vacation to drive back to Minnesota, for house sitting and general relaxation purposes. 

The house had recently been all cleared out and was being readied for sale. Most of their belongings were in storage, so the house would be virtually empty for showings. Seeing it in this state was strange after knowing it full of stuff when I lived there. If everything had gone according to plan, this could have been the last time I’d be in the house before it sold. Ultimately, that didn’t happen. But it was very much on the table in 2007.

On May 5, 2020, the interior of the house was destroyed by fire, and is currently being rebuilt.

During the weeks leading up to my vacation, I was planning out what I would do with my time alone in the house. Phone calls were made to friends to let them know what the window was and what I wanted to accomplish. My hopes were to make it a continuation of the September 2006 Minnesota visit (“Oh look! It’s the malcontents! You’re mad at your dad, not at me!”), where work on the long rumored Crapids issue of Wasted Quarter finally began. I wanted to continue consolidating my notes, writing out first drafts and additional source material gathering, all while hanging out with my friends... 

And taking care of the cats:

Calvin...

and General Hafaaz Supacat!

(Who REALLY didn’t like Doktor John...)

On Friday, February 9, 2007, I made the near 1000 mile drive from Englewood, Colorado, to Coon Rapids, Minnesota. Leaving at approximately 1:20 in the afternoon. A backpack, two duffel bags filled with clothes and other assorted necessities, were packed and brought with. I arrived armed with a fair amount of my old notebooks, all of my current Crapids notes and a copy of every issue of Wasted Quarter printed to that point. This would be the source material I would be combing for Crapids stories that I'd write for the five planned issues.

Also accompanying me was my brand new Samsung Flip-Phone! From my brand new carrier, T-Mobile! Had to make that switch as my temporary Cricket phone didn’t work in Minnesota. Well, at least without additional roaming charges. Hard to believe that even 15 years ago, we still had to deal with roaming charges. 

Check out that impressive 1.3 Mega Pixel camera!

Interesting trivia, if you called me on this flip-phone back in 2007, you would still use that same number to call me today. For as long as I possibly can, I’m making people call Colorado in order to reach me in Minnesota. Just one way I can keep a small piece of Denver alive and with me at all times! 

"Are you taking a picture of your notebook?"

And other stuff...

As mentioned, I had brought my current list of Crapids notes, for prep on the Wasted Quarter project. At that time, those notes were just 6 pages printed out on 8.5" x 11" paper. Simply a list of story ideas, with additional notes scribbled on the rest of the page.

Started in October 2003, this print out was from the Summer of 2006. Subjects that I had pictures of were highlighted yellow. For the next few years, I was adding more and more notes to it, as I was still trying to figure out all of the How, When, Where and What I was going to cover. The only answer I had was the Why... Because I wanted something to compile all of the little tiny story parts that I felt were important to remember. 

This particular four page list was retired in mid-2008, when it was all typed into my new (old) Mac G4 Powerbook. Purchased used from a coworker, for $1000. He had bought it in 2004, but rarely used it. Since I'm writing this story on that very same computer, I'd have to say I got my money's worth.

Early mock-up of the never finished Wasted Quarter #62 front cover. I found this image and it reminded me of the old trails through the woods of what would become the Oaks of Shenandoah. In 2007, the plan for covering Crapids in Wasted Quarter was going to be five separate 100 page books. Each covering a different aspect of my life here. Issue #62 (“Pre-Wasted”) was going to be printed first, and cover the both the Oaks and my childhood memories of the neighborhood. 

After years of endless delays and re-imagining what this mini-series would look like, only one of the five planned Crapids books was ever printed. That would be Wasted Quarter #66, “Open All Night”. Containing the full story of 99 Spillihp. Which has been adapted to a two part blog story a few years ago. (Parts One and Two.) Those books are LOOOOONG sold out, so don’t ask.

A few years ago, the Crapids issue of Wasted Quarter had one last gasp of planning before being scrapped permanently. I condensed what I was covering and changed the entire format, then gave up on the project completely. A lot of the pieces I’ve written for those books have appeared on this site. A whole lot more of it is still saved and ready for future stories.

Here is a mock-up for the WQ72 Cover.

It will never be printed.

So my plan for February 2007 was to bring all of my Crapids source material along, and spend these weeks in Minnesota writing the issues in the location that inspired it all. Additionally, I would be recording more pieces for Wasted Audio. Specifically, stories of Crapids with my friends as we sat around and looked through all my notes and reference materials I’d be bringing.

For recording purposes, I picked up a new and cheap tape recorder. Only $10 from the late night Englewood WalMarts. Back when they were still open 24 hours every day. This would serve in addition to the pocket dictaphone that I was already using for recording Wasted Audio pieces. The very first thing recorded on it was Trav discussing the difficulty in setting up that tape recorder. It acted like it was recording, but playback was giving us nothing. Looking at the instruction manual, we finally figured it all out... 

The volume was turned all the way down.

Then he played the arcade classic skateboarding game, 720, on the PS2.

In the words of the legendary Ron Trongaard: "Crank up your VCR's!"

******

“Dood! I’m gonna be a bartender!”

Doctor John said this to me in a phone call, shortly before I left for Minnesota. In explaining what his role was going to be at the new Famous Dave’s,opening in Riverdale. He alternated optimism for what the job could be, with self-deprecation over what the job actually was going to be. 

As he put it: “At least I’m not painting houses anymore...” 

The last day that Famous Dave’s Coon Rapids was open for business, was September 27, 2020. Earlier that morning, before any staff or customers showed up for BBQ’s last stand, I was there with a camera to document how Dave’s looked before it wouldn’t look like this anymore.

A bright green dumpster was occupying the handicapped parking space in front of the doors. That same flavor of dumpster sat in my parents driveway last summer, as crews cleared away the fire damage from their house. This one would soon be filled with closed up restaurant debris.

When I posted a couple of these pictures pictures on facebook, I got a comment from someone that said he didn’t realize that Dave’s had a “Walgreens-like” entrance. Which made me laugh, because chains tend to water down good ideas. Therefore Famous Dave’s is the Walgreens of BBQ restaurants!

It had a separate entrance for to-go orders, so those customers didn’t have to use the front doors.

Doktor John: "There were T-shirts with random sayings on the back. Mine for instance was: 'You can pig out or you can pig in.' You see? Do you get it? I thought that was pretty clever..."

I’m disappointed with myself for not taking a better picture of that wood bear carving in front of the doors.

Doctor John told me a few days before I made it to town, that he juat wasn’t Famous anymore. When I asked what happened, he told me it was a story he wanted to save for when we recorded Wasted Audio after getting there. Cool, but that sucks. I really wanted to visit John while he tending bar in a theme restaurant!

And just what is that hanging off the roof?

Okay, I get the idea of a pig, but what is that sitting on its back? An anvil?

Bull kills man doing chores. 

******

After arriving in Crapids around 5:30 in the morning, Saturday, February 10, 2007. I unloaded my car and took a nap. 

When I woke up a little after noon, I drove to the Riverdale Target (somewhat across the street from Famous Dave's) for a necessary vacation supply: a new Sony Playstation 2. I'd been warned to not use the PS2 as your every day DVD player, as they're not built to endure that heavy of use. Unfortunately, that message came about 3 months before it stopped loading MLB 06. (I don't think that franchise was called The Show until 2008?)

Ending a 19 month exile, I moved from Crapids, back to Littleton, Colorado in May 2005. The PS2 was my daily DVD player as I didn't bring the full size one for the sake of saving space. I only brought a minimum of stuff along for the first year, whatever I could cram into the Blueberry Honksicle for the one way drive. I would be sharing a house with 4 other people, living out of a decent sized walk-in closet in the basement, from May of 2005 to May of 2006. I watched a lot of DVD's that year...

And I also needed a roll of film for my camera!

Much of the rest of the day was spent sitting in the parents basement, playing the PS2 games I brought with. I was old schooling it in a house with no internet. Music was compact disks I brought along, played on a old boombox. Later in the night, I dug into my notes and started writing. It was nice and quiet and mind clearing. From the myriad of technological distractions back home, this was absolutely roughing it.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

After three days of being on his way over, Doctor John finally made it to my parents house. Before long, we set up in the lower level and began to record some pieces for Wasted Audio 6. Part of my plans for this trip was to record stories of Crapids and other things John and Trav, for use in both Wasted Quarter and The Big Audio Mess. These recordings started when I was in town in September of 2006, and would continue through 2010. Before I finally scrapped The Big Audio Mess project altogether.

John plays the “rolling around picking shit up” game.

On the corner of the table to his right, you can see the cheap external microphone attached to the recorder, by the Mike and Ikes. I may have not done anything with those hours of audio recorded, but I’m sure glad I did it.

“That’s the Sound a Swordfish Makes”

I was addicted to this game for several years. The concept is simple. You are a tiny alien, pushing a ball around houses, cities and towns, picking up objects to make the ball larger. The bigger it gets, the more things you can pick up. You have to make a certain size in the time allotted. Upbeat happy music plays in the background while you do this. Once you are large enough to attach to human beings, you hear the guttural screams of men, women and children as they’re being rolled up into the giant ball. All while a Frank Sinatra knockoff croons a happy melody in Japanese. This game is seriously messed up.

This was that same room we recorded in, October 1, 2020, after the house fire in May. The lower level suffered a decent amount of smoke damage, and needed to be completely gutted and rebuilt.

******

Also on October 1, 2020, only four days after closing the restaurant, a few shovels appeared in the parking lot of Famous Dave’s. No demolition work had started, but it was clear that the building would be coming down in a matter of days. Not weeks or months.

I snapped this photo while driving east on Main Street, almost missing Dave’s completely. Not like there was anything new to see yet, so I didn’t bother going back for a better shot that morning.

Until I got off work that night, and went back to check.

All the signs had been removed and the sun had gone down.

So that was the big change for today.

Although I was able to get a non-reflecting picture of the lame "open hours" painting on the front door.

"Now it just smells like shit and watermelons..." 

"That's a hell of a collection. I just read every issue of Wasted Quarter. And it all fits in Trav's old Doc Martens box."

Per John's request, I brought along the Big Box of Wasted. Trav's old Doc Marten's shoe box contained a copy of every issue of Wasted Quarter that had been printed. At that time, it was issues 1-59, plus various one-off zines I'd written over the years. Over the course of an hour of audio tape, he skimmed each issue. Reading passages he liked out loud, or ones I requested for the sake of future recording projects.

Wasted Quarter #14 (January 1995) - It's The End of 201 Proof Television (And I Feel Fine...)

After reading a few sentences of the story, John reads out loud: "I love 'John has alienated almost everybody.' I love that part!"

I further explain what I wrote: "No, it was funny though, I would go into the production meeting or the studio or wherever... And Ben would ask me about you, and I'd say 'yeah, we were hanging out last night' or whatever and someone in the room would Say 'He's a fucking DICK!' You know, stuff like that would hit the room."

"I don't know what I ever did to anybody..."

I offered up: "I think it was just the reputation thing..." 

And John defends himself with my favorite answer: "I was never outrightly mean to anyone but Kerrie."

"I never understood what it was about either..."

Though, I'd have to agree with his sentiment: "I'd rather go down with people having this horrible opinion of me, than just like... 'Who was he again?' You know... 'Talk to Wreisner lately -FUCK THAT GUY!!' That's kind of awesome actually!"

It was funny, there were days when the mere mention of his name would launch vitriol from others in the room: "I distinctly remember one time at the studio, Name Redacted Star asking me 'What's wrong with John?' No idea, little buddy. Now type up my Wasted Quarter notes.

John then gives us the catchphrase of the night: "HE'S A FUCKING DICK! I'm just gonna start saying that all the time. That's the new Samurai Warrior."

Guess what everyone we talked about the rest of the night was...

******

To the Famous Davesmobile!

In January 2020...

In September 2020...

If the restaurant is closing, why go through the expense of upgrading the catering truck?

******

Go to Mississippi... Then Round Lake... Highway 10... You’ll see a buncha gas stations... What's south?

Some people are terrible at giving directions.

The evening after the Good Doktor and I recorded hours of audio at my parents house, he called me from Grumpies. He was hanging out with a Dave’s waitress and her ex-boyfriend. They were going back to her apartment to play Guitar Hero, and he wanted me to meet them there. I really wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere, so we debated that for a bit. Virtual arm twisting over a cell phone. Until I was convinced through permission to smoke inside her place. 

Okay, it couldn't possibly get any colder outside... What would be the point? 

For smokers forced outdoors, warmth in winter wins!

Famous Dave’s made their staff wear pig-shaped nametags. I wasn’t sure if this was degrading or not. In and of itself, the wooden pig silhouette was kind of cute. Yet, you were still wearing a label of a pig with your name on it. According to Famous Gina, you could affix various restaurant awards you had won to these pig tags. She had no awards affixed to hers when the Dave’s employment ended.

Not that that means anything...

At her apartment, there was a lot of chatter between Famous Gina and Doctor John about the days of working at Dave’s. While her ex boyfriend braggadociously played Guitar Hero like some sort of an obnoxious savant. I just kind of sat there. Interacting with whatever memorized Doktor John routine was currently unfolding and answering the standard personal questions from her: “So why does he call you Honkass?”

John and I quickly renamed her ex “The Waterboy” for not only how he acted while showing off his Guitar Hero licks, but more for how whiny and petty he was getting as the night went on. At one point, he even wanted to fight John, before Famous Gina convinced him to leave. Then John and I got to turn back on our normal wacky routines that we do when we’re together. Now it would be done in front of a new audience of only one.

“I’ll accept your apology, but I won’t shake your hand.” 

For example, she dared say that she liked Garth Brooks... Meaning we would have to grill her over the massive failure that was the coked-up Chris Gaines debacle. (It was supposed to be a movie?) That’s how it goes when John and I are together!

John and one of his numerous cats. From a night that wasn’t the one I’m currently talking about.

A little bit after ten, John asked me to drive him home. The Waterboy had left about an hour earlier, and the night felt like it was winding down. The three of us were nowhere near as interested in Guitar Hero, so we said our goodbyes, then John and I left. 

On the drive to his folks house, I realized that I'd forgotten my 1 liter of Mountain Dew at her Baneberry apartment. Well, you can't just get those anywhere! One simply cannot replace a nearly full one liter bottle! 

So I absolutely had to go back to Famous Gina’s to get it, after dropping John off at his mom’s house.

When I tried to leave her apartment the next morning, my car wouldn’t start. It was just below Absolute Zero outside, and my battery was having none of it. After briefly debating what to do next, I placed a call to the enemy at Highway 10 Towing (Mobil) up the street, and waited for a truck to come and jump the Blueberry Honksicle. 

45 minutes and 45 dollars later, I was finally home.

And I’d forgotten the Mountain Dew at her apartment again.

Oh, who cares...

I didn’t take any pictures of Baneberry during the February 2007 vacation. It was winter, and I was operating only with a cheap 35mm camera, that took crappy pictures. Plus I only seemed to be there late at night. Not exactly conducive to outdoor photography.

In May 2008, Famous Gina and I were back in Crapids. During that visit, we went back to Baneberry to snap a few photos of fire damage. In November 2007, a fire destroyed one of the apartment buildings. This wasn’t the one she used to live in. But they all kind of looked the same to me.

******

Saturday, October 3, 2020

Pre-Demo work is well underway at the Famous Dave's.

Equipment sits at the ready at Dave’s front door.

The landscaping and parking lot islands were the first to go.

Those poor trees... Not only do they not get to inhale BBQ smoke daily, they don’t even get to live anymore...

Pieces of pavement and curbing were being dug up from the ground, then loaded onto a trailer and hauled away. 

Dave’s was going fast.

******

Part of the audio that John and I recorded on February 13, 2007 was a discussion of the folks house going on the market. He and I were walking around the house, talking about stories he knew of the place. With the fire that destroyed much of that house in May 2020, I’m looking back at the audio I recorded on this trip in a new light. And I’m very glad we did it.

"Did you steal this carpet sweeper from Perkins?"

“Basement World looked a lot bigger with all the shit crammed in it.”

Dr. John and I toured what was left of Basement World and my old bedroom. The sheet rock had been removed several years ago, so my room was down to just the studs. We discussed the locations of everything inside of it back in the day, but it was all gone now. No more garbage bags tacked to the ceiling, no spoon tied to the light string pull cord, no jello bed... "The couch and Log were approximately here... The NES was there and baseball cards were pretty much everywhere else." 

The fire scorched the floor above my old bedroom, leaving large segments of what was once my ceiling, now charred black. The fire inspector told my mom that the floor held steady through the fire, but had it gone for much longer, the dining room and living rooms would have likely collapsed into the basement.

"Hero Quest! Mice poison! Norm's perpetual motion device!"

The restoration crew replaced the damaged parts of the floor, earlier this fall. 

But I had one very important question... “Was it still there?” 

To the February 13, 2007 audio recordings!

Me: “Are there any spitballs still stuck to the ceiling? Oh yeah, there are!”

John: “Dood, can I scrape that off and have it? Don’t let me forget it, I’m going to put it in this cigarette cellophane.”

Me: “Oh, and what here looks like a hand drawn vagina...“

John: “Is actually a hand drawn vagina! Before you had access to porno mags, you’d just draw crotches all over...”

Me: “Well no, there’s a missing part here, here and here, was because I had a dart gun tube and I was shooting spitballs at the ceiling while I was laying in bed. A few days later, Mr. Rux drew the vagina with a marker, when he connected the spitballs."

Mr. Rux: The Face Of Guilt.

Fast forward to today. That fire destroyed a lot of the house, but one "significant" piece of Basement World remained! The Spitball Vagina was untouched by fire damage, and the plywood it was drawn on stayed in the house during the rebuild. Sounds stupid and insignificant, but that’s something of mine that will stay in the house regardless of whatever happens to it in the future. And that makes me kind of happy!

******

It was still Saturday, October 3, 2020, when I took the next block of Dave photos...

After taking a few pictures of the parking lot, I moved attention to the restaurant itself. The crew tearing out the parking lot was aware of my being there. I tried to get around the building and as many pictures as I could before they hassled me to leave. None of the workers would likely say anything, but there was a guy running the show that kept staring directly at me. He wore a big tan cowboy hat. So in my head, I named him “Tex”.

But not Tex, or anyone else, bothered me before I left.

Shortly after we started recording audio for the night, John tells me his Famous Dave's story. And why he was no longer working there: “Speaking of jobs, I told you that whole story about Dave's didn’t I? So, they hired me as a bartender, a week before training started, they called and told me I was going to be hosting. 'And if you don’t like that, let us know and you can serve.' All right, whatever... A job’s a job.”

“So I work with all these fucking 16 year old kids. And it sucked. Basically everybody just picked their asses and didn’t do anything, and I was the only one helping the servers out. And they’d make comments to management about how he’s the only guy doing anything around here.”

“I talked to one of the supervisors, and said 'hey, this isn’t working out, I want to serve.' He says: 'Well normally, you’d need to stay in your position for at least six months until we’ll transfer you or whatever.' Well, fuck a bunch of that, but whatever...”

“Well then a co-worker of mine spoke to the general manager, and he was like, 'no, that’s not how it works at all.' Make a long story short, there was all this scuttlebutt about it, finally I called my supervisor and said: 'Listen, I feel like I’ve gotten off on the wrong foot or really, I want to serve. I’m making $7.50 an hour, I’m 30. I have legitimate fiduciary concerns, so I’d like to serve.”

“Let me tell you what it is. And this was a day before I was told that I was quote “not server material”. So this guy said, you know what, you’re the hardest working guy at the host stand, but you don’t have a famous attitude. You’re really quiet and you walk around like you have a dark cloud over your head. And your brow is always kind of furrowed.”

“What?”

“Seriously?”

“I’m not there to make fucking friends! I don’t talk because I’m working up at the host stand with a bunch of 11 year olds. What do I have to talk to them about? Nothing. That’s why I’m up there busting my ass, because I don’t want to be talking to them. If there were interesting people to talk to at the host stand, I would do NOTHING. See how it works?”

Who wants drinks?

I'm guessing your parents have a wind-up microwave?

"Check your Pot Pie and shut up!"

“So finally I just faxed in my resignation. I said, this isn’t working. I can go back to painting, I can go to the temp service for Christ's sake.”

“Later on I'll tell you about the Dave's chants we had to do. Yeah, like when you go to WalMart in the early morning when you’re high and need a memory card. It's like 5 in the morning and you're like: 'Oh my god! I'm so close to beating Super Monkey Ball!' And you see the WalMart employees doing the WalMart thing..."

"Gimme a.. Corporate Downsizing! Yay!" 

"Gimme a No Overtime Pay for time worked! Yay!"

"Gimme Sexist Discrimination! Yay!"

"Gimme Medical Assistance and Food Stamps because I don't make a Living Wage! YAY!"

It's called Senior Pocket.

A few nights later, Famous Gina and I were at John’s house, when he explains to her: “I sold you to Honkass.”

She asked: “For what?”

“A bottle of Jack Daniels.” John said.

“Wow, really?”

I added: “Yeah, but it was Gentleman Jack. So that makes it classy!”

Once The Waterboy left Famous Gina’s apartment, John and her took turns destroying a Famous Dave’s BBQ Buddy (nice use of Comic Sans there...), in a rather competitive and heated tug of war. Later, she gave me an intact copy of this bestseller for the Archives.

Now I know how the Dave's works! I can start my own! Famous Honkass's will rooool the BBQ world!

No, it wont.

"Can I try on your mom's coat?"

If you want to be evil, that is the coat of evil!

A couple nights later, I was again over at Famous Gina’s apartment. John and his woman showed up at 2:30 in the morning. After hanging until the sun rose, we all left Baneberry to go wherever it was we were going. Home, in my case. Before departing, we made plans to meet up later that evening at Famous Dave’s, when Famous Gina was working. 

I'd bring the dictaphone, wackiness would ensue, it would be awesome. I drove home and went to bed. At least my car started this time. Woke up at 2pm, when John called to flake on Famous fun time at Dave's. So I stayed up. Played some PS2, did some writing and called her at 5. 

As I was taking pictures of the front of Dave’s, I heard a loud crunching sound. I turned around in time to watch this shovel chew up the supports for the already removed Famous Dave’s sign. I was too late for an actual picture of it, so this is the best I could do. 

Since I can't provide that, here's another order Famous Gina took, at some point in February 2007. Try and figure out what they wanted, based on server shorthand! Handicapped by loopy chick cursive. One of the most difficult fonts to read, known to man!

She was watching Castaway (the Tom Hanks movie) when I got to her apartment. She asked about John, but I had nothing to report after leaving an unreturned message, two hours earlier. We sat around until quarter after 9pm, then decided to go to Dave's without him.

This would have been roughly where we sat when we ate dinner that night. We sat on taller bar stools at a small round table, in this corner of the bar. That John wasn't tending. Whatever framework that is sitting above the seating area wasn't there that night. But I heard there's been a remodel or two since 2007.

Famous Dave's wasn't as bad as I'd been led to believe, yet it was hardly great either. Loud, busy, trendy and generally ick... She was trying to trade her shift the next morning with another waitress, but that didn't work out for her. So she'd have to go to bed early tonight, instead of staying up with me until 5am. 

Famous Dave's refused to allow the good Doktor permission to pour tap Bud Lights and mix Long Island Iced Teas right here!

The food was pretty good (and fast acting), but nothing too spectacular. Nothing stood out, so if I wanted similar food, I had plenty of other options that I would choose first. Didn't personally witness any of the wacky Famous Dave's antics I’d been told about, but easily could see the potential for them here...

And I paid Highway 10 Mobil back for the other morning, with what I left them on the way back to her place.

The innards of Famous Dave's corner booths, forced outside in the cold.

******

"Dood, let’s go smoke... We should go to Phillips? Is Karen working tonight?"

Yes... My car is a mess. Steal me a new exhaust system for this hunk of shit that I'm driving! 

In the background, John plays a game of Spin-The-Dial on my car stereo, as I drove to replacement Phillips. Starting with a Matthew Lesko commercial. “I wear the suit with all the question marks on it! I look like the Riddler! That’s FIVE BUCKS for YOU!” 

John kept referencing the Erik the Bike Man radio ad that I suddenly needed to hear. Just a loud jarring voice yelling ERIK THE BIKE MAN! over generic butt rock. It wasn’t on while we drove to Phillips, so John added it to every song he found on the radio. Be it Motley Crue, bad rap music with an Erik The Bike Man freestyle, sad sack Nu Metal and The Cure’s Fascination Street. Inspired audio that I wish I had a purpose for...

******

Famous Dave's bar looks like Erik the Bike Man trashed the place after too many Bud Lights...

Karen was busy helping a mentally slow customer find chocolate when we walked into the store. So we immediately went back to the fountain area to help ourselves to a complimentary Ice Cup for beverages. "The Sound Of Fountain Drinks" would make a good ring tone... After forever, the challenged one ended up with a can of pop instead of anything chocolate. This was referenced several times during our visit. 

After she left, Karen shouted across the store to John: ”So I heard you were a bartender..." 

“Yeah, I heard that too... Until they told me I wasn't... They screwed me!”

“Were you drinking some the profit margin down?

“Oh come now Karen… As much as I would have liked to, no…” 

Yeah, it looks like the bar area had some sort of framed seating inside, before it closed. I'm assuming it was partially destroyed when the booths were removed. No idea why they were worth the effort. Instead of tearing them down with the building, maybe they ended up on ebay?

John launches into an abbreviated version of the quitting Famous Dave's story he told me earlier, this time for Karen. “They told me that even though I was one of the hardest workers -no, THE hardest worker at the host stand, I didn't have a Famous attitude. I was too quiet, and I looked like I had a dark cloud over my head all the time. And my brow was furrowed..."

What is that all over the wall? Dave's have a black mold problem?

John continues: "I did have to give that fucking troglodyte of a boss of mine, a triple word score for using the word troglodyte in a sentence though...”

I was amazed at how fast Famous Dave's was demolished. Just over a week after closing, there was no building left.

While Karen was busy with the “asshole customers” (her words!), John and I kept busy by making our greatest gas station creation yet: An Ice Cup full of “Deluxe" vomit from the Round Lake 66! Adding new ingredients to the mix, that were unavailable to us at the legendary Northdale 66, over a decade earlier. Karen is alternating talking to us across the store and customers in the background. She demands to know what we're doing, since we’re being "awfully quiet..."

What a jolly looking fellow... That happiness doesn't appear forced at all!

Were you ever there when Famous Dave came in? 

"No… But some of those idiots bragged about having their shirts signed by him."

"Right after the orientation, they let us walk around the restaurant to get familiar with the place. What’s the big deal? It’s like three rooms? Ooooooooh! A Stove! If you like old time BBQ and lots of crazy crap on the walls, come on down!"

“We're gonna have an audio record of us making vomit!”

Before we assembled the vomit, all the ingredients were laid out on the counter for inventory sake:

1oz Honey Mustard

1oz Ranch

1oz Sweet & Sour

1 Pkg Chopped Onion

1 Pkg Sweet Relish

1 Pkg Mustard

1 Pkg Mayo

2 Pkgs Ketchup

Toss it in the coffee

Add some non dairy creamer

"We need chips... Go buy a bag of Doritos for texture..."

Before the vomit can be made, we have a competing chef’s argument over how to properly make the vomit.

“Shouldn't we put the coffee in first?” I asked.

John corrects me: “No way dood, the coffee acts as an emulsifying agent! I know my fake vomit!”

“How dare I question you!” I recoil.

“Don't deny my power, Honkass!” John admonishes. “Ketchup is gonna make it look like someone vomited their stomach lining… Oh god… Smells like Satan's asshole.”

The final ingredient: One fresh loogie. From both of us.

“There’s our mucus content!”

With the store free of customers, John and I moved our loitering up to the front register to bother Karen up close. After sniffing the wienerarium, John starts in: “My ex-wife used to bounce checks here... Bitch! I know where the fake vomit is going... Karen look, there’s black chunks in here!”

“I don’t want to look.”

“Smell it at least!”

Some customers came in, so he and I retreated to the side of the cashier area, with our vomit. We’d been holding onto our cup of nastiness for a while now, there was one question that needed an answer: Where should we put it? 

My first thought: “I’m thinking Taco Bell...”

John countered with: “I don't know, there's so many more -WalMart! Is right across the street! We better make more then! Best fake vomit EVER! This is a really good batch. We've discovered a great new recipe! You know what it is? It's the onion and the relish! I think…”

Let us know how we did!

Just drop off your comment card in the box by the door...

Oh, that's right...

Karen interrupted John's vomitous musings: “Oh shut up! You two better not have left a mess over there!”

John defends our childish antics... “No we didn’t! We were very conscientious! It’s spotless! We even put down a napkin to put all the empty packages on, so that you wouldn’t have anything to clean up!”

Shingle jerky...

"I dare you to buy a piece and eat it..." .

Uhh... No...

"'I'll buy you a piece if you eat it..." .

You don't have any money!

"I have a dollar..."

Once those people left the store, John and I moved back to the front register to bother Karen. And, of course, we brought the fake vomit with. She asks: "Is that the stuff that stinks?"

Probably...

"Oh God!" Karen exclaims after getting a better whiff...

"Does it smell like vomit would you say?" John asks.

Karen answers: "It certainly looks like it!"

Oh yeah...

Karen then suggests: "Let’s smoke before some other idiots come in."

I think she was trying to get rid of us...

The Famous Dave's carryout room/entryway.

Which was basically a bent piece of metal attached to the bottom of the door, that you could hook your foot on to open.

While smoking a cigarette outside the Phillips door, John re-introduces the million dollar question: “Dood, where are we depositing the vomit? Taco Bell? I kind of want to do it on the front door, but that’s a risky gambit...”

I start adding to the plan: “Uhh... What we’ll do, is I’ll park like up by the front and then...”

I’m interrupted with a Doctor John epiphany: “We should just nail the Fashion Bug! And give all those fat women something to think about!” 

Karen protests out of concern for the Fashion Bug, leading to a brief debate about their target market. Now he’s having second thoughts about where vomit should go... “The last thing I want to do tonight is get arrested for throwing fake vomit on Taco Bell. I'm 30 years old... Calling up my girlfriend... "Hey honey... Can you help me out?"

“Well, It is funny...” I offer.

John corrects me: “No, it's hilarious!”

As the shovel keeps chewing the Famous Dave's sign...

"Dood, look at us... We're standing out in front of the Phillips, smoking in the middle of the night, then we're going to throw fake vomit on something 15 years after the fact... You have to at least give it to us for perseverance… God, I hope someone comes and arrests me for purse snatching right now...“ 

THROWBACK!

A shot of "Tex", who kept glaring at me the entire time I walked around Dave's. He never bothered me or yelled from across the lot, even though I know he saw me taking these pictures. So thanks! You'll likely never know that you contributed to my story!

Anoka Perkins, April 23, 2008

Boothrotting with Doktor John, Famous Gina, Trav and myself. The conversation eventually shifted to Dave's, when John reflected back at the staff meeting, pre-grand opening.

"The worst part was orientation... We’re watching all those videos, and he (I do not know who "he" was) stands up and says: 'You know, this is what Famous Dave’s is all about. And this is what you’ll understand once you get that BBQ inside you.' And I’m thinking like, alright, like once we eat it? We’ll understand how god it is? No, he meant it in like a metaphysical sense. Like: 'Once that BBQ is in you and motivating everything you do...' Oh good God..."

John describes a footwear conflict with the kitchen manager:

"I wore the very shoes I’m wearing now, as my all black sole, non-slip shoes. They’re Chuck Taylors. You’re telling me that 60 years of professional basketball, and probably half as many years of skateboarding, and that’s a slippery shoe? Get bent! These are Chuck Taylors man! They’re totally slip resistant. Okay, how about this, I’m never going back in the kitchen!"

He asks Famous Gina and I: "Are you gonna go back up to Dave's while you're in town?"

Nope...

“I’m pork-a-riffic!”

At least the building wasn’t painted bright yellow anymore.

It was in 2012, when I took this picture.

"You don't control Pac Man, you advise him..."

******

Night Demolition, October 6, 2020

I knew the building was coming down soon. I’d been leaving early for work this week, just to do a drive by wellness check. On Dave’s final day, the building was still standing on my way to work. But a few hours later, I was tipped off that the destruction was underway. Thinking I’d missed out on the event, and wouldn't get my desired "half intact" photos that I wanted, I was happy to find out there was still half of Dave's left that night when I returned home from work.

Unfortunately it was too dark for all the pictures I needed. So I’d have to get here at some point after the sun came up, yet before the crews returned to finish Dave’s off. 

I guess it’s a little too dark to see what’s going on.

Here, let me turn on the sun!

That’s better!

Early Morning Demolition, October 7, 2020

I got to bed at 2:30am that night, woke up at 7am, drove there and walked around the property, took my pictures, then got in my car and drove back home. Back in bed by 8am! Asleep in time to not feel too shitty when the alarm went off again at 11am.

My hopes were to get around the building before any of the destruction crew showed up for work. But I also had to take the sun into account. Leaving a narrow window to get this done. Missing this morning was out of the question. The building would never look like this again. And that's exactlt what I needed to capture.

While out smoking, John asks me: “Do you think it's kind of embarrassing or kind of awesome that we did the Jay and Silent Bob thing, years before anyone really gave a shit?” This leads to sharing our mutual disgust with not capitalizing on any the million great ideas we've had over the years. 

“So now we're standing here...” he says.

“Doing this for no one's amusement, but our own...” I add.

“Yes... Trying to vomit on Taco Bell... Well that's just great...”

Poor flaccid Dave's lampposts...

Speaking the truth that I think EVERY foodservice employee has ever felt, John lamented: "I’ve never been that depressed as when I had to go into Dave’s... The suicide ride... Yeah, it was so disheartening..."

"When I was a host, I didn’t have shit to do. Except occasionally bus tables..."

As gas station fun time was winding down, John came up with the winning idea: "Let's just puke the public phone!" 

I agree, but “Not here. Let's find a different one, so Karen doesn't have to clean it up.”

“Do they have a public phone at the old 66?” John asks.

“That one’s not open.” I reply in reference to our old gas station which has now permanently closed up. 

“It doesn’t matter! It will freeze and be harder to clean up!” John starts laughing as the plan is formulating in his head. “No, just vomit on the receiver... Wait, they were having such a troublesome conversation... They just projectile vomited...  The whole phone! Like somebody was talking and just... I want the keys to stick!”

Cigarette satisfaction in a hand gel! 

"Already a huge sensation in many parts of Europe, discover why so many people are switching from smoking to rubbing!"

Nic-O-Gel the BAND!

"We're huge in Europe!"

I agree with this idea of yours, but I was getting really cold, and offered up the following suggestion: “The old Phillips is too far, let's head back to my place and see if we see a more promising target along the way...”

I love pictures of broken windows with destruction inside! Those are my favorite demolition photos to take.

"I tried purposely to throw my interview at Dave's. All the questions they asked me, I was... I think I was sort of drunk... Or like, still drunk from the night before... And they just ate it up. They loved me. Hired me on the spot. Dude! I’m trying to fuck this up! And now you want me to work for you?"

Which brings us to the question asked in nearly every retail job known to man:

“What does customer service mean to you?”

Shitty wages?

Degrading uniforms?

Entitled customers?

How are you supposed to answer this question?

That partially shattered glass looks so cool with the sun casting a tiny burst of orange.

We bid Karen adieu and file into the Blueberry Honksicle, then set out north on Round Lake Blvd. Someone walked behind my car as I was backing out the parking spot. “Throw it on that guy!”

Keeping my eyes open a I drove up to Bunker Lake, we mentioned everything that may be an option. “Starbucks would be a good target...” Indeed it would... “Let's do Once Upon A Child!”

Approaching Downtown Center in Andover: “McDonald's might have a pay phone... Dollar Spot? Anoka-Hennepin School District?”

“Oooooh... That's tempting!” John replies before offering up “A dance studio?” Then he reconsiders, "But who's that angry at dance?”

“People with no legs.”

“The church! Meadow Creek Church is coming up right here!” But I can’t do that. While it’s a definite statement, too much bad karma could come of it. He’s getting antsy as I drive, and that fake vomit sinks! “There's gotta be a pay phone around here?”

Then it hit me... “BROOKS!”

This convenience store hasn’t been known as Brooks in decades. But to me, any of those style gas stations, in these particular in-line retail centers around town will always be Brooks. I pull into the lot and park the car next to the pay phone on the wall. Nearby is an air compressor for filling flat tires. As I park, John notes: “The air machine might be funny, but the phone is really saying something! Oh my god, it's right by the door...”

He opens the passenger door, runs over the the phone and tosses the liquid stinky contents on it. Getting the receiver, keypads and sidewalk below. Quickly he’s back in my car: “Get us out of here.” He says, while stifling laughter. Once we’re heading south down Coon Creek, he laughs: “Woooo-hoooo! We just threw up on your phone!”

I counter with: “Damn we're juvenile!”

“But that was still thrilling! A nice little jolt... I threw up on their phone!”

In 2020, not only was the puked pay phone long gone, but a large segment of the sidewalk had been replaced. Obviously, this was done to install handicapped accessible ramps. But in my mind, our fake vomit ruined not only the phone, but the sidewalk below. Likely even the soil beneath it.

After bolting away from Brooks, we decided to hit up the White Castle drive thru for some late night grease and diarrhea. Amused as we could be with ourselves, for what we’ve just done. Between fits of laughter, John says: “Dood, that was rad! Let's go T.P. someone's house!”

I counter: “No, let's go ding dong ditch!”

In a minor fit of puker’s remorse, John laments: “The phone company's gonna have to clean up the phone... We just ruined a bunch of people's day!"

Uh oh, now we’re concerned! I theorize: “We're gonna be in the White Castle Drive Thru and a cop car is gonna pull up behind us and turn his lights on...  We saw what you did to the phone back there... It'll be an undercover cop car! Coon Rapids police undercover vehicles are just rusted out pickup trucks with the word POLICE spray painted on the side.”

John takes over: “We know you put fake vomit on someone's phone!”

I add: “And they can't get the Sweet Relish out of the coin return...”

“All this Honey Mustard made the pound key inoperable!” John continues: “That rools with so many O's! Someone just had to pause and vomit on a phone...”

As he said this, I drove by the now famous Famous Dave’s. Now I regret what we’ve done...

“We should have got Famous Dave’s!”

Totally...

Hey look! It's the Darin Buffet!

"He was very Adam Ant about if you wanted anything to drink with that..."

ARE YOU THIRSTY OR NO!!!!

"When I say 'Ribs', you say 'Beer'!"

"When I say 'Have no', you say 'Fear'!"

You’re serious right?

They actually did this?

"And then there was one about the sauce... I’m trying to remember... It was to the tune of 'The Right Stuff'. It was something like: 'You've got the right sauce... Baby!"

That is so depressing... 

More from Anoka Perkins, 2008, same place as previous, but a different night and new supporting cast. Of course they asked how we all met, allowing John to retell the Famous Dave's story: "I had the misfortune of accepting a position with Famous Dave's..."

The Finger asks: "Missionary or doggie style?"

John: "They screwed me every way they could..."

John continues: "I worked there sadly for a whopping 30 days, I think..."

"Why sadly?"

"I guess... Well, I'm allergic to people... Is what it comes down to... And I was told that I couldn't advance through the ranks and achieve super Dave's stardom, because I didn't have a Famous Attitude. I wasn't happy enough about pork products to warrant, you know, eight dollars an hour... So I woke up on a Sunday morning, hung over, and faxed my resignation and then got good and drunk the rest of the day."

For me, the February 2007 vacation ended when my parents returned home in the middle of a massive snowstorm. The storm even delayed my drive back to Denver by a couple of days. My time spent in Crapids, Minnesota, was intended to be spent taking a break from my frustrating job, and spending the time working on the WQ: Crapids issues. With hours of excellent stories recorded between Trav and John and myself.

That part happened. 

But due to distractions, I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I'd wanted during that time spent there. And that's fine. But these distractions lasted far longer than they should have, and I lost the time needed to actually finish not only the Wasted Quarter Crapids project, but The Big Audio Mess project as well.

I blame you Famous Dave's!

******

With the subtraction of Dave's, the local market is missing a BBQ restaurant. For those of you in the area missing BBQ, may I recommend Jellybean & Julia’s. 

Located just a few miles west of where Dave's was, in Anoka, MN. They make some damn fine food!

And I’m not just saying that because I used to be on Cable Access TV with the owner, 27 years ago.

And they have restrooms now!

******

Post Demolition, October 10, 2020

Famous Dave's was gone.

It was a nice enough day, so I figured I'd get a few shots of the grave.

I guess there were still a few remnants being cleared away. But this was less than two weeks from Famous Dave's actually being open. Which is rather impressive. 

As I've said, I only ate here once. Under circumstances that I view drastically different than when they were happening, So I have no knowledge or experiences with this place after February, 2007. I've read reviews saying the food was below par, and I've read reviews that raved about the place. Personally, I have no opinion other than everything described in this story. I have nothing against Dave, or his Famous restaurant chain. It's just not for me.

Doesn't go with the dark cloud hanging over my head.

       

But it's still nice to see certain things destroyed.

An old school wrecking ball! Sweet!

"I'm so happy about it, I want to hire a skywriter to tell the world!"

"Yeah, but it would say "Yendypootypotter", so no one would get it."

"Our voices are being heard by literally TENS!"

After editing down the audio tapes recorded on February 13, 2007, I made an intended double CD release of Wasted Audio 6: We Just Puked Your Phone! As close to 160 minutes as I could fit on two compact disks. From the house tour, PS2 games, readings of Wasted Quarter and the drive to Phillips and back, fake vomit making and tossing, all those stories are here. Padded with random samples I'd made around that time, from various DVD's and YouTube videos. Then the elderly CD burner in the PowerMac G4 died. (Who turns 17 this coming year... Guess it's about time I allow it to get it''s driving permit...) Which means that other than me (and John when we recorded it), no one else has gotten to hear this audio delight.

For shame...

As for Famous Gina, during the next 3 and a half years, a lot of stuff happened between us. Per my wishes, we haven't spoke in nearly a decade since. This was a chapter of my life that I'd kind of like to forget. And it's nice to not see a reminder of it every time I drove down Main Street.

Which is almost every day now.

At least I got Gracie out of the deal.

"What are you doing for Valentine's Day?"

******

I've basically been writing this story in my head since February, 2007. For a restaurant that I only ate at once, Famous Dave's played far too significant of a role, during a decent sized chunk of my life. Good and bad. I doubt this story endeared itself to any real fans of Famous Dave's, the restaurant. And that's fine. More than most others, this was a story I wanted to write just for me. Not for my audience. I was just glad that Famous Dave's decided to close up and tear down shop while I could cover it the way I wanted...

I just didn't expect to get to finish it this soon.