Abandoned Groceries - Safeway - 1955 S Sheridan - Denver, CO

Safeway (or Safe Muffins, if you're a Negativland fan) closed several of their Denver metro area locations, in the Spring of 2015. So here's another chance for me to revisit little pockets of my adopted hometown!

That round of closures Included their store at the intersection of Jewell and Sheridan. I'd driven by it probably hundreds of times over the years, but never actually shopped at it. This location was simply another building along the way to other places I was going, instead of being a destination itself.

From 1996-2003, I lived several miles southeast of here. And I had my own Safeway just three blocks from my apartment. Most of my food during those six years came from the Englewood Safeway. Until I moved from Englewood, back to Minnesota, at the end of September, 2003. Just in case I was never coming back, I saved my last receipt as a Safeway souvenir. 

Roughly 12 years later, I took a very blurry picture of it. Didn't feel like looking for that sales slip now, to scan or take a better picture of it. So you have to deal with this being all out of focus. I do know that I still have it, tucked inside one of my many folders.

September 26, 2003. 

My last shopping trip to the Englewood Safeway resulted in the following items being consumed:

2 12 packs of Diet Cherry Coke

1 Safeway Select something some Peach. (I don't remember what that abbreviation stood for.)

1 bag of Lays Original Deli Style Potato Chips

1 Package of Safeway Club Shortbread Cookies

1 bag of Safeway Club frozen Hash Browns

1 roll of Jimmy Dean Pork Sausage.

Grand total for all that... $18.65.

Wonder what that short list would cost today?

Sure ate healthy during my last few days before moving...

But the Englewood Safeway was/is still open. 

Very unlike this Denver Safeway, on July 12, 2015. Which I discovered while driving west on Jewell Avenue, on my way to record another review of a movie that doesn't exist. (I really miss doing that.) As I drove by, I noticed the Safeway sign had it's logos blocked out.

Well, that means I have to pull into parking lot and examine what is going on...

Sure enough, the shelves are all empty. The doors have flyers on them, telling you to go to the Safeway about 5 miles west of here, in Lakewood. Probably not... There's a whole bunch of other grocery stores that are closer than the Safeway at Jewell and Kipling. If business was slow enough to close this location, Safeway is about to lose a whole lot more to King Soopers (Kroeger).

Really wish Minnesota would bring back Kroeger...

Anyways... I'm in a hurry today, so I'm going to make note of this and come back later for some more and better pictures.

But first!

Since I'm already in the parking lot, I'm going to swing into this Shell station for a cold refreshing beverage!

(And now it's suddenly sunny out!)

Shell used to be a corporate Phillips 66 franchise. This would have been one of their mid-1980's style of gas station design. Featuring a small convenience store under the canopy, with pumps on both sides, and a car wash housed in a separate building.

Slightly different layout than 99 Spillihp, but the same in spirit.

Still hit me in the feels...

Almost as distinct of architecture as the completely different Country Gas!

These round, arched roofed buildings can still be found around the Denver metro area, although there are less and less of them every year. Many of them are sitting empty and crumbling away before demolition, but some are still quite active. This one, located at Jewell and Federal was looked at when I drove by hundreds of times, but shopped at exactly zero. I should have stopped there at least once, just to say I did. 

Of course, while driving west on Jewel, you pass the Lion House, a few blocks east of Sheridan. Nice enough looking house with a brick and iron fence around the property. Curiously, a little gold lion statue sits on top of the brick posts, every ten or so feet. No idea why, but they look cool.

As I said, I'd driven on Jewell many times. In the early 2000's, this was the easiest route to take from my old job to my friend Dave's house. After we finished our shifts at 6 in the morning, multiple days every week, we'd hang out in his basement several days a week. Fifteen years later, this was the easiest route to my friend Brad's house, where I'd record my fake movie reviews for his podcast, every week or so. 

7 Eleven is located at the Jewell and Sheridan intersection, where I'd turn north. Roughly the half way point, between my old job and my friend Dave's house. This particular 7 Eleven was a frequent stop along the way, either to or from. Those roller grill hot dogs aren't going to eat themselves!

7 Eleven anchors the Sheridan Jewell Plaza. A small stripmall with a Dry Cleaners, $1+ a Scoop Chinese Food, Insurance, Liquor, Hair and Cigarets Store (their spelling, not mine). I never bought my gas here because they didn't discount their gas like Kroeger does. Safeway too, but they didn't have any gas stations back when I was a frequent shopper.

"Welcome to casual talk Dave's house."

Where we'd hang out for hours, watching the Today show, and/or Dave's awesome fish tank!

If you're impatient, fast forward to 2:04.

But then you'll miss out on still more Weatherman vs The Monkees!

I'm getting a little off track, so let's go back to the closed up Safeway, at Jewell and Sheridan, on July 27, 2015.

The day I chose to do a more complete walk around of the closed up grocery store.

Each of the front entrance doors had this sign on them.

Not even the biggest fan of Safeway Select is going to drive past three King Soopers stores to patronize the Jewell and Kipling Safeway. They need bread and milk, not a field trip. Brand loyalty on goes so far. And that's not six miles.

I don't know when this store opened, but this is a fairly recent remodel. Post-2000, if not very close to it. Clearly an upgrade covering a much older store (looking exactly like the Littleton Safeway, I was shopping at several times a week in 2005-06, and also closed in 2015).

And that's a REALLY sweet label scar!

And they left their cart corrals in the parking lot.

With one lone Safeway shopping cart left behind.

Kinda feel bad for it...

Well sign, they did return their cart, but no one was here to return it to the store.

Then the store closes and the cart is still sitting here waiting for groceries that will never come...

Going back to the sidewalk, under the overhanging roof, there's still two active pay phones!

Complete with phone books!

Talk about obsolete relics of a bygone era...

Some windows looking into the store, a little further down from those pay phones, Emergency Exit between them. 

But there's some sort of weird texture covering them, so you couldn't see inside the Safeway very well.

Although that looks pretty grocery store-ish, so I don't think they're kidding.

The southeast corner of Safeway, looking back at the sidewalk I was just walking down.

Some tagging on that angled wall has already been covered up, by poorly matching paint. 

Not like the wall facing the store, with the driveway connecting the parking lot to the back of the building, between them. That sits behind a chain link fence, with no attempts to cover up any local artist's work.

And I'm glad they didn't, because I really liked this!

Of course someone has already dumped a bunch of their crap in the loading dock.

The other larger Safeway sign facing Sheridan was also covered up, but featured the remaining businesses sitting just north of the closed up grocery store. While writing this story, I found out that Subway has joined Safeway in leaving this shopping center. 

Guess that makes this a "No Way Zone."

That might be funny...

The front entrance of Safeway isn't very funny.

Looking inside and to the left slightly. Yeah, this is EXACTLY how the old Littleton Safeway used to look inside. Only that store was demolished in 2017 (for a 7 Eleven!), this store wasn't demolished at all. 

There's another Safeway shopping cart left in the entrance, separated from it's friend by walls and glass, even though it's less than 100 feet away. At least there's one of his motorized shopping cart cousins and an uncle palate jack, inside to play with.

If you could see into the store, all the way to the left, you'd see the Safeway coolers and freezers. Which back in 1997 would have held boxes of Mr. Cookie Face! The official ice cream sammich of Wasted Quarter!

But if you look closely, you can see aisle 14. Which would have contained all the different varieties of boxed and bagged cereals, on the left. Hot cereals and other breakfasty stuff on the right.

That would make this the home of Crackles! The Safeway Berry Squirrel!

Back when I lived a few blocks away from the Littleton Safeway, I ate literally CASES of Safeway Berry Crackles. The store brand generic version of Captain Crunch Berries. 

Sadly, Safeway retired their cracked-out squirrel in favor of the Safeway Berry Crackles Dragon. Who still looks wacky and zany, albeit a bit more subdued. (Thank Googles for the image!) I jest the Safeway Berry Crackles, but that was a damn tasty cereal. That I never once ate with milk.

All of the shopping carts used to rest in the little room at the right side of this picture. You have to imagine that lonely Safeway shopping cart left out in the corral can see this room, day after day, wishing someone would just unlock the door and let it come inside and warm up.

Just like his friends that are waiting patiently for him, to the left of this picture.

A slightly visible "Pharmacy" label scar, along with a mark left behind from another removed box sign, above and to the right of the front doors.

Oddly faded pharmacy sign on another Safeway cart corral. 

In case you were wondering, Safeway didn't stock Monster Massive. That's an electronic music festival that (as of 2022) is apparently still a thing. Maybe? I looked at their website and saw mentions of 2022, but nothing about 2023.

Goodbye Safeway, I'll be back in a while to check on you...

But since I'm here, the age and run downedness of the buildings and stores in this area has always been appealing to me.

So here's some other great buildings in the neighborhood!

Like K-Liquor's bright blue wall!

That long time gas station and/or convenience store was converted to an ARC donation station, and now permanently closed and boarded up. Thanks Google Maps! Because of you I can update my stories from 1000 miles away! Isn't technology awesome?

Just north of the closed up ARC, was the former DCG Rental. According to those same Google Maps, this uniquely roofed building has been demolished at some point over the last couple of years.

Also on those Google Maps, the car wash north of DCG looks like it's still open. Although this sign has been shattered by something, by the time the Googlemobile drove by. No one had bothered to fix it. I do have a couple of pictures of the actual car wash, but the sign is a whole lot more interesting. You've all seen opened ended brick garage bays before.

Hidden away a block or so behind these buildings is Contractors Supply Inc. Highly doubt this building originally opened as this. Looks pretty grocery storey to me. Was this possibly Safeway before Safeway opened and closed up the block? I wasn't ever here before 1996, so I can't say anything about prior to that. At least Contractors Supply Inc. is still open today, so there's some consistency to the area.

Sharing that parking lot to the north is the Super 99 Cents store. This was a rather small Target, not too long ago. I distinctly remember driving south on Sheridan in 2003, seeing the Target sign from the road, with the building far behind everything nearly two blocks away.

Those are definitely Target style parking lot lights. 

Speaking of this former Target parking lot, on June 19, 2016, I decided to perform a wellness check on that abandoned Safeway. Much to my delight, Super 99 Cents ex-Target was currently hosting one of those rickety, cheap traveling carnivals! An unplanned bonus photography mission to my already full schedule!

It was still fairly early in the morning when I drove up, so there were very few people around this area. 

I was able to drive around the perimeter of temporary fun without anyone interrupting my photos.

There's the Scrambler!

And the Tornado!

And the Scrambler again!

And the Bumper Cars!

And the Ferris Wheel!

And whatever the hell this is!

And some weird bear thing!

Looks like you would sit inside the bears stomachs.

So is this ride some sort of preparation for deep back woods camping in the Rocky Mountains?

And here's the uh... Uh... I have no idea...

Though I really wish those food booths would have been open this morning. I'm not going to trust my physical well-being on these rickety rides, but I could sure go for some greasy carnival food! Not as an everyday diet, but sometimes you gotta eat garbage!

Here's a couple of different Merry-Go-Round style rides, that travel in their respective circles at varying speeds. Until they fly off the track and maim several innocent bystanders, not to mention what they'll do to the passengers. 

All leading up to that non-flaming ring of death.

Well that was fun.

Let's get back to Sheridan now.

This cluster of In-Line retail holds a particular warm spot in my memories. First off, the Xuha store on the far left used to be Pirate Records. They closed in early 1998, but it was once packed with really cool stuff. Including a CD long box attached to the ceiling, from Mr. Bungle's debut album. 

I bought the Dead Milkmen's Soul Rotation (I love that album) cassette tape for my car (the Vanilla Honksicle) here, back in 1997, weeks before Pirate Records permanently closed.

Next door to Xuha, Nick Mart, used to be a Christian Book, Cross and Candle store, back in the Summer of 1999. I remember this, not because I ever would have shopped here, but because I personally made their sign. The owners of this building had a rule that all of the stores had to use the same size trapezoid for their signs. (Apparently they still have that rule...) At the time, I was working at Amar-A-Ngis, for a very horrible Christian woman and her feckless husband.

They paid me just a hair over minimum wage to work in their sign making shop. One day, this obnoxiously loud "Christian" man came in to inquire about a sign for his soon to open bookstore. I was working in the back of the shop when I overheard their conversation. He was quite boisterous and insulting to people in the parking lot (especially minorities) while outlining his needs. The owners of the store were yukking it up along with him as they all seemed to dislike the same types of people, while simultaneously contradicting all of their deeply held religious beliefs. Pretty sure I was in on their insult list as well. Because "Anyone that colors their hair black in probably a Satan worshipper."

Sure thing buddy...

After that guy left, they came back and explained what they needed. Still laughing about what a character he was. I made the mistake of saying what I thought about him and the statements he made were about as trashy and hypocritical as you could get. But my opinion was obviously not welcome in this scenario. Regardless, to put this sign together was going to be a lot of work for me. Which was fine, but I wasn't being paid very much, and I heard them give this greasy piece of shit a 50% discount, just because he was a "good Christian". A practice they followed often. Say you pray and you'll never pay full price!

Yet I only got a 50 cent raise for proving that I could handle every job they didn't want to do. From production to installation to answering phones.

So I did my job and prepared all of the vinyl letters, cut the thick plastic sheet to his specified trapezoidal measurements, then attached all the design elements where he wanted them. I went along with the feckless male owner to the site. I had to help install that sign to the facade over the doors. Of course that hilarious Christian character was just as insulting and rude to me as he could be, all while my boss laughed along and joined in on the not-so-subtle mocking, as I did most of the installation work.

I debated leaving his store a dumped out bag of my cat's litter box contents, at the front door late one night. Then I decided it was far better to just quit that job instead. Which I did via phone call to the Christian woman and feckless husband at 3 in the morning. Still proud of that. After all, if they weren't going to pay me any real money, yet could afford massive discounts to anyone that pledged allegiance to the cross, this is not a job that I have any sort of future in. I'll just go back to giving rides to pizza. Which actually paid more, took less of my time, and I wasn't made to feel guilty for not being their style of perfect.

His Jesus book and crap store was open for several years. I saw the sign that I made -and mostly installed- every time I drove down Sheridan Avenue. I don't know when his store closed, so I didn't get to celebrate, but I do wish that I had taken a picture of that sign. I remember it having the name of the store in bright gold foil and black letters. 

With multiple lower case T's scattered around those words. 

Next door to this mini shopping center was/is Bear Valley Veterinary clinic. The same style building as the long gone Wachovia Bank in Englewood. I guess there used to be a bunch of these around Denver, but this one and the demolished Englewood franchise were the only ones I knew of.

Broncos Tires is a sad looking former gas station, turned into a tire selling outlet. As far as I can tell, it's still open today. Although information is pretty limited on the Googles.

Several years ago, this was a very small and old Taco Bell.

Then it was demolished and a brand new very small Taco Bell replaced it.

Then you have the Rockin R Bar, as seen on June 19, 2016.

Which became Mad Hatters by April 22, 2018. 

Then it was turned into Pupusas Fire Family Restaurant, at some point after that. Thanks to the Googles, I found that out. And while I know how that word is properly pronounced, I'm still going to read it as Poo Poo Sauce. 

Because it makes me laugh. 

And here's Safeway, on June 19, 2016. 

That sweet label scar has been covered up with a leasing information sign. Everything else was still looking about the same as it was a year earlier. Shockingly, the windows are not boarded up nor broken.

Most of the interior lights have finally been shot off, however.

Oddly enough, the parking lot has been resurfaced and repainted since July, 2015. Sure looks a lot nicer. The Safeway cart corrals have been removed as well. I guess that lone leftover cart was dragged away from it's former home. And that's pretty sad...

After you take a moment to appreciate that wavy bicycle rack at the corner of closed Safeway and vacant storefront, Take a look at the small assortment of stores directly north of there. As I mentioned earlier, that Subway closed in 2022. Reading their reviews on the Googles paints an interesting picture of just how subpar this particular Subway was. Not that any Subway is overly edible, but this one was extra nasty.

All right, it's time to leave. 

Because it's May 2015 again, and I have to get over to Brad's house, to record "Captain Honkass's 100% Completely Accurate Movie Review" of Jean-Claude Van Damme's Bloodsport.

From the looks of that Jewell Liquor sign, you think this may have been a Blockbuster video store about 25 years ago?

Note the Safeway sign across the driveway is left uncovered. I'm pretty sure they were still open on this drive by. Although their days were certainly numbered. Perhaps by single digits.

Sitting directly behind Jewell Liquor is an office building, with a main tenant of Family Dentistry.

There's nothing cool or abandoned about it. I just like the building.

Further west of here was the White Fence Farm. A long running and locally famous farm-themed family restaurant, on an actual farm, that allegedly had really good chicken dinners. I never pulled off Jewel to stop and eat here, but distinctly remember hearing of it's closure and subsequent demolition. The land simply had more value as a housing complex, than it did as a farm-themed family restaurant. That's the world we live in today.

And Lakewood loses even more of it's identity...

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My Denver travels didn't take me through this neighborhood much (if at all) in late 2016 and 2017. Brad's podcast had been canceled and Dave moved to further south of here, still on Sheridan, years back. However, on February 25, 2018, I once again found myself taking Jewel east. Approaching Sheridan, I see this:

Something called Vasa Fitness has overtaken the old Safeway sign. Big V replaces the lazy S above their name, almost in homage to the former tenant, Safeway. Guess I need to make a right turn on Sheridan and take a look at the parking lot.

Well, Vasa Fitness did a nice job of updating the old Safeway facade. Although you can still see hints of the grocery store underneath. They added a lot more windows out front, and even a pool inside! Plus a spa, so Crackles the Safeway Berry Squirrel can have a place to sweat out his many vices. Likely a massive renovation couldn't have been finished all that long ago, given the ridiculously oversized "Now Open $9.99" banner, hanging over what used to read: "Pharmacy."

Sure hope that leftover cart was somehow reunited with his friend...

But I doubt it.

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I'm totally done talking about Safeway...

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You don't have to continue reading if you don't want to...

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Awww... You stuck around!

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Bloodsport!

Reprinted from Wasted Quarter issue 71: Have You Seen... No You Haven't...

Bloodsport will go down as my most known review. It's also the review that caused me to get on Twitter... 

When told that martial arts would be the next genre covered, I knew two things. Number one, I'd never watched a martial arts movie. And number two, my review had to include Jean-Claude Van Damme. Because Van Damme is fun to say. So much so that I decided to start writing my movie review, quickly lose interest in doing it, then spend the rest of the review simply rhyming words with Van Damme. 

Which seemed like a much better idea than trying to make up a Kung Fu film that I knew nothing about...

So I Albuquerequed a list of "words and phrases that rhyme with Van Damme", from a website dedicated to compiling lists of words that rhyme. (Had no idea such a thing existed...) Armed with my list, it was time to make some rhyming magic! Cutting and pasting from my list, pairing off combinations that worked best, then leaving all the straggling pieces until the end. I thought the whole piece came off great, it was funny and clever, but it would be difficult to read. I warned Brad he would likely have to do a great deal of editing to clean it up. After all, who knew the phrase: "Muffin Man Van Dam and Gingerbread Man Van Dam" would be so damn hard to say without laughing?

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As originally read on the How Not To Make A Movie Podcast, Episode 11, May, 2015.

Hey kids... This week's review is for the movie Bloodsport, starring Jean-Claude Van Damme.

The movie opens as the sun rises, in a run down inner-city neighborhood.

Camera zooms in on a dilapidated 4 story brick building with muddy windows.

Children dressed in dirty clothes are up at the crack of dawn, cleaning up the inside.

Sign on the wall reads Otto Fjord Orphanage. A happy place where the children all sing and play while doing their chores. Van Dam is taking on kind of a nanny role. During the children's big opening number, as the kids would sing the chorus, the camera would pan to Van Dam with his feet up on an ottoman. He would sing a funny contradictory line of the song in his baritone voice. Which added some whimsey to the dark setting. The opening was very well done. 

I really wasn't expecting Bloodsport to be a musical rip-off of Annie... but I'll play along. The beginning hooked me...

Oh wait... Here's a pack of Ninjas attacking the Otto Fjord Orphanage! It's about to get all sorts of martial arty!

Punch punch punch kick kick punch kick punch kick kick kick punch kick punch punch kick later...

Van Dam still stands... But the children have scrammed...

The orphanage's phone rings. The calling man, identified as Stan, tells Van Dam of his evil plan...

His band, The Dragon Clan, from suburban Japan, have taken the orphans of Van Dam to a foreign land.

Further demanding Van Dam to compete for their safe return. But he must find them first!

Then the phone explodes! Because it HAS to...

Scene cuts to another man at Denny's enjoying a Grand Slam. Cutting his ham, flirting with a waitress named Maryanne. 

She winks back, offers some jam, and pushes up on her mammary glands.  

Brother Sam Van Dam, on break from his touring Duran Duran cover band, due to a broken hand caught in an exhaust fan. 

Sister Nan Van Dam, starred as Peter Pan, back in Spokane, earning over 300 grand. But a con man from Kazakhstan stole her pension plan. Now her future be damned.

The mentally challenged Abram Van Dam ate Golden Grahams and Raisin Bran with strawberry jam. He sang along with Wham, rather than prep for his planned oral exam.

Ed McMahon Van Dam ran a magazine scam, filling the nations mailboxes with spam. But you could win a Dodge Ram!

Joanne Van Dam caused a traffic jam when her mini-van rear ended a delivery van. Her soda can tipped from her hand. Accidentally killed a stunt man.

Roseanne Van Dam had 5 little girls named Fran, Pam, Ann, Jan and Diane Van Dam, and their pet Toucan. She took them to a medicine man, to help their attention span. That man ran a scam, his practice a sham, from the Republic of Sudan.

Super sports fan Stan Van Dam takes the tram to see the Rams with his wing man and best man from the Rio Grande. Ate sammiches of shaved picnic ham while telling tales of Michael Jordan.

Twin brothers Muffin Man Van Dam and Gingerbread Man Van Dam paired with their hispanic partner Flan Van Dam... Began to prepare a grand feast of lamb, ham and spam, with candied yams on serving pans on tie-dyed shams.

THIS IS A REALLY GOOD MOVIE!!!

Senior Urologist Burcham Van Dam fingered a prostate gland in a medical exam. He needed a drip pan. Had to use Spin n' Span. Billed via installment plan.

Roxanne Van Dam began to tan her clam on the Hoover Dam. In exchange for two grams.... Wham bam thank you ma'am!

Inspired by Custer's Last Stand, Dan Van Dam pledged his life to Uncle Sam. As a hit man, he executed the secret plan when he swam through Vietnam and over ran Charlie on the lam. Blew all his money on Pac Man. Now makes less than 12 grand. Eats moldy pecans from the trash can.  

Madame Van Dam cross dressed in Iran and Thailand, when it was still known as Siam. Lost his hand when he was found out to be a man. That's against the Qur'an. He didn't understand.

Comedian cousin Dat Phan Van Dam was hit with a tin can, because racial humor don't work in Durham...

Zartan Van Dam foiled Joe's heroic plan, using a battering ram, brought via catamaran, before his skin turned cyan. 

Suzanne Van Dam had a secret plan to be better than bland command floor plan.

Con man hand, cram, scram, slam, strand, withstand... Grand, land, man, game plan!

Van Damat... I'm sorry... I have to be honest with you... I wrote this review on 420 and got really distracted...

But Van Dam was pretty good in this movie...

That's all for me, here's Brad and Cory with this week's Top 5!

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I am still kicking myself for not having a Trans Am appear anywhere...

After I recorded my review, and without telling me, Brad recorded a simple beat and put my review to music. Speeding up and slowing down certain parts of what I read to fit the music. In addition to my normal segment, which was done sans' music, after the podcast signed off, if you continued listening you were treated to the musical remix of my Bloodsport review. Kind of like How Not To Make A Movie's Endless Nameless... to... oh, Nevermind...

I liked what Brad did so much I keep it in the I-tunes to this day. Briefly not hating the sound of my recorded voice, because this "song" rules. Fuck you II Phat Phreshmade, this is my real rap debut! 

Miranda Jannell, who hosted the Midnight Movie Knights podcast, out of Los Angeles, CA, heard my review on How Not To Make A Movie, and loved it. She wanted to play it on her show, but didn't know how to get ahold of me. I was told that if I didn't get a Twitter account, "@CaptainHonkass" would be created and run via third party. So I guess I'll be on Twitter then... Brad asked if I had a problem with Miranda using my review on her show, but why would I? I'll take syndication! 

In case you care, I've all but abandoned Twitter in the years since.

That has nothing to do with the Magatwat Elon Musk, but much more to do with my lack of time and desire to care about another social media platform.

Damn.