Mile High Market and Saturdays on Colfax Avenue - Denver, CO


Mile High Market is just part of this story. Which is a continuation of the story I posted a couple of weeks ago, about Watson’s Memorials. An abandoned headstone engraver in east Denver, that closed abruptly and screwed its customers over. Today I'm going to cover another leg of that day's travels. East on Colfax Avenue, from the heart of downtown Denver, to the merge with I-70, in Aurora.

It’s now been over six years since I moved out of Colorado. So this is another of my exercises in alleviating that never ending homesickness. Remembering what I saw when I was last there, then looking at what has changed since then. 

Not all of these photos are from July 25, 2017. I may have not gotten a clear shot that day, or had a better one from other drives. But these are some of the landmarks I recognized each time I was on that road, and the stories I feel like telling about them. 


In my last story, I mentioned driving north on Lincoln Street, to make a right turn on Colfax, at the Colorado State Capital building. Capital Hill Books, is two blocks east of there. I'm going to just breeze through this area. Six years ago I wrote a story about Capital Hill, and my near 20 years of memories of that neighborhood. It's still one of my favorites, so if your interested, you may find it worth your time.

Also not getting into the whole seedy side of Colfax, with its long history of drugs and prostitution and weirdness. I never really encountered any of it, so I have no frame of reference to speak on. But I remember stories from friends of mine, and Colfax around downtown Denver, has always been an interesting place.

On June 25, 2017, I drove east, past the historic Tom's Diner building (which was thankfully saved from the wrecking ball a few years ago). I regret never eating there. Or at least having a late night coffee and writing session. Then past the Ogden Theater, where I saw Faith No More and Mr. Bungle, and several Ween shows in the late 1990's. Past Angelo's CD's second store, which I haven't been inside since it was Independent Records.

A bit further down the road, I see that nothing yet has replaced the now demolished, Firehouse Car Wash. Even a bit more furtherer, the abandoned Arby's at Colfax and York, has been converted into a Chase Bank. Though you can see an Arby's clearly in the slightly revamped building. Hopefully it doesn't still smell like deep fried fish inside.


I drove this segment of Colfax quite often, but rarely further east than the East High School campus.


The whole reason I'd usually be up here was a visit to Twist & Shout, my favorite music store in Denver. Supplier of extensive back catalogs by Camper Van Beethoven, Negativland and the Residents. As well as many of Mike Patton's projects. No matter how obscure, Twist & Shout always had several copies of whatever I was looking for. And stuff I didn't know I was looking for. Plus a great new and used DVD selection, all sorts of band t-shirts, a few zines and whatever overpriced current pop culture kitsch you could ever want.

Minnesota could really use a Twist & Shout.


Here's another place I never stopped at, but I loved the quint "Coffee Shop" sign over the tiny building. According to the Googles, this shop's known as the "Lula Rose General Store. Looks to be pretty artsy-craftsy inside, which isn't really my thing.


Paradise Cleaners always looked run down when I drove by it. Label scars for "The Capital Florist" (several miles from the Capital) and "Michael Something That Starts with a J and ends with a K", add to the charm. A look at the Googles now shows this building has been demolished. Nothing has yet been built in its place, as far as I know.


Green Buddies Pet Food Shop was here. But they had been closed for years. Their store was demolished shortly after I took this picture. My next drive by in October 2017, showed a new and rather large foundation being dug on the site. Today, it's home to Base 6 Fitness and Veterinary Emergency Group.

Still something pet related. That's cool.


As you cross Colorado Blvd., take a quick look to the north. It may not be there much longer (if it even is anymore), but the Royal Palace Motel was last open about ten years ago. The most recent Googlesmobile drive-by showed that asbestos removal was taking place. Also missing from the property was this Royal Palace Motel sign. Which was still in great shape in 2017, given the motel closed about 4 years earlier. With all of the tagging and destruction to the five story motel taken place, this sign was untouched. Tip of the cap to the area graffiti artists. Sparing this sign is a touch of class. 

Pretty sure I read the Royal Palace Motel sign was saved and moved offsite.

And it wasn't moved to the site of the closed up, Mile High Market...


I had driven on Colfax a week before (June 17, 2017), and found this gas station a couple miles east of the Royal Palace.

Patented 'Half-Assed" Research brought up that it was built in 1985. Likely multiple re-brandings have taken place since it first went up. Five years before I took my pictures, it represents as a Shell station, according to the Googles. However today, the place is now branded as NO brand. Other than a very simple logo. 


Maybe hazy memories, but this appears to be the same style panel consistent with late 1990's Conoco/Phillips pumps. I could see this as a corporate Phillips 66 convenience store, from 1985. Phillips had merged with Conoco in the late 1990's, so this could have been a Conoco affiliate when the pumps were last upgraded.

Some hand written notes have appeared...

ENHANCE!


Nice scam, Mile High Market!

Lure the weary Colfax traveler, with absolutely no other gas station options within a block and a half, with the promise of Petrol. Then you bait and switch with only the high grade stuff available. Pretty sneaky, but I see what you're doing!


Well, Mile High Market, I'll be back next week.

You better have Regular gas by then!

For now, I have to get back on Colfax eastbound.


Past the oddly large Denver Auto Body & Paint building...


And the oddly nice Blair Realty building...


And the nice and flashbacky Sam's Sinclair. While the pumps have been removed, this is another 1940's era gas station, in excellent condition. You'd see them all over the Denver metro area, and it was always interesting to see what happened to them after Sinclair corporate left the property. Looking over Sam's shoulder, you can see some of the "Mex-O-Mall" sign, on the building behind it. This photo was from June 25, 2017.


By March 31, 2018, the "Mex-O-Mall" sign has been removed, leaving a faint "Mex-O-Mall" label scar behind.

Today it's a Planet Fitness...

Well, I sure hope nothing bad happened to Sam's Sinclair...


Oh man...

This was taken on a Googlesmobile drive-by, in November, 2023. Brother's Tires is now listed as operating a business there. Hopefully they put some effort into cleaning the place up. The canopy looks like it was used to cover up a small fire. 

During my June 17, 2017, early morning drive east on Colfax, I had no destination in mind. This was just a research drive to see what was around. Just to see what may be worth a second look in the future.

Then I saw it approaching on the horizon...


A sign that reminded me of the kitchen utensil best used for mashing potatoes, came into view. For a split second, the Spatula City commercial from UHF popped into my head. As I drove closer, the rising sun moved behind the sign, and I could make out the letters underneath the wavy vegetable mutilators. Illuminated like a message from the heavens... "NUDE DANCING" painted above a message board. With the message simply being: "Closed". 

Jackpot!!!

Abandoned Titty Bar!!!


On my drive back westbound, I pulled into the lot to take pictures of the building. A closer look to see if there's anything worth getting out of my car for. 


The east side of the building had a side exit. I pictured this being a great place for strippers to duck out for a quick smoke between sets. 

As I drove around to the back of the building, I startled a small group of urban campers hanging around the back door. They had a couple of tents and a full shopping cart. I didn't take any pictures, because that would have been pretty rude of me. So I drove back around to the front of the building, as discreetly as I could.

All of the windows were covered, as you'd expect for a strip club. Cinder block walls were painted a light grey, with no real features of note. There was no point in parking and walking around. Even if no one was camping out behind the building. 


The front entrance of PT's II: All Nude.


Would have liked this photo to have been in focus.

Whenever you see a sign with the phrase: "This property has been seized as a public nuisance by court order" taped to the door, you know something interesting has happened here...

After getting home, I looked up the place online. The city had the club, known as PT's II: All Nude, closed for multiple incidents, in December, 2016. Which included a suspicious fire on New Years Eve 2015, and a man shot and killed in the parking lot, later that year.


This January 2017, photo from the Google shows the rather optimistic "see you soon" sentiment. After the "renovation" explanation. In this case, they were hoping to renovate their reputation. But the city of Denver clearly wanted PT's gone.


When I stopped by on June 17, 2017, all the letters besides "Closed" had been removed.

Guess the renovation wasn't successful...


There's just one place for all your spatula needs!


There's a Lazy C joke to be made about PT's stripclub, but the Lazy C Motor Lodge is still going strong.

Guess their C isn't all that lazy.


More like the overachieving C down at the Riviera Motel?


Or the Top C at the Top Star Motel?

I don't know what that even means...

What I do know is how much I enjoyed driving these photo taking tours, chain smoking cigarettes, as I drove around Denver. Always after I finished my work week, just as the sun rose. Usually on a Saturday or Sunday morning, so there wasn't much traffic to interfere. This was my favorite part of the week.


While it was never open during the times I was driving by, I had to pull over for a couple of shots of North Eastern Tobacco. A building barely larger than a carton of cigarettes. Oh, and would you look at that... A pack of my beloved Winston Lights 100 BOX! are ONLY $4.43/pack in June, 2017.

Sigh...

Dear those in charge of the wagon.

Please slow it down just a little... I keep falling off!


Further east than cheap cigarettes is People's Pawn.

Operating out of the People's Barn? 

Nice touch in having "Cash 4 Gold" painted above where "Cash For Gold!" is painted.

You wouldn't want that message to be misunderstood...


Another gas station from decades earlier, has been converted into Friend's Liquors. 


Strait Lumber has been here for decades.

Which is because they use a building with the great glass blocked corners. No other reason. Glass blocks rule.

That is all.


Let's go back to Mile High Market, and wander around the parking lot.

Trust me, it's more fun than it sounds like!


Shortly after Mile High Market closed (earlier in 2017?), our friends at Loop.net used this photo in their real estate listing. Pretty much what I saw, just with the advertising removed. And the day was mostly sunny. Which I HATE for taking pictures. Wonder what the folks at Loop.net had to do to get a cloudy day for their pictures.


I parked my car in the corner of the lot.

Next to this small brush pile someone rudely dumped in the parking lot.


Nearby that pile was this cracked plastic container, with local stickers affixed to it. Including the well-known Bull & Bush Brewery logo. I'm assuming this was likely used for weed storage, instead of microbrews. The Keef Cola sticker is probably a bit more telling. 


The Mile High Market gas canopy is shockingly white. I know from internet pictures that it's previously had color and logos. But this is just blindingly white. 


Especially when paired with the Highland's Ranch level whiteness of the Mile High Market building itself...

You see, the entire gas station is made out of Styrofoam. It just flies around the state at the whim of the winds. Wherever it lands? Well, that's where they're doing business on that day! It's made from the same materials as Southglenn Shopping Mall was...

Matty would have found that bit amusing.

But I really doubt he's reading my crap these days.


So here's a different shot of a Mile High Market gas pump. This one does not feature deceptive hand written notes about petroleum grade shortages.


Fun Fact! If you drove east on Colfax to Peoria Street in 2017, You'd see this aged and very run down shopping center. Anchored by an abandoned Nick's Liquors, with a Taco Trailer parked at the front entrance. Blocking the front entrance.


I regret now not taking the time to better photograph this place. All of those red and white storefronts appear to be vacant, and in varying states of disrepair. The tax preparer still appears to be open, but Nick's Liquors is definitely closed. 


With some of its windows boarded up. If at least partially. I probably would have stopped had this Taco Trailer not been parked in front. I remember using the logic that since the main view of the building was blocked, it wouldn't be worth my time. 

Yeah... That's really dumb...


Behind Nick's Liquors was a large vacant lot. 

On the very far left of this picture you can see another abandoned building, across Peoria Street.


Across Peoria Street, sat this abandoned grocery store. I saw this not knowing anything about it, but that style of architecture is very much a 1950's style Safeway. You can almost still see the "S" painted inside those two circles, on both sides of the building. 


It was demolished in November 2019. I wasn't around to see it, but a Googlesmobile drive-by coincided with the excavators clearing out the last of the debris. As far as I could tell, its last practical use came around 2011, when it appeared to some sort of thrift store. Like Savers, only without a sign identifying it as such.


While nothing has yet been built on the "Safeway" site, a small parking lot now covers a portion of the foundation. the land immediately east of it is now home to a massive cluster of apartment buildings. So this fenced off and weedy parking lot, with an empty sign frame standing in the middle of nothing, isn't there anymore. 

Which makes sense, because the north side of Colfax is taken up with the much newer and much nicer...


University of Colorado Health Services Anschutz campus (with Colorado Children's Hospital, next door) is now taking up a large parcel of land. So much so, that I couldn't get it all in frame as I drove by. 

Hold on, I'll pull over and quickly run up the 4th floor and get a picture of the east facing building...


That's better!

Oh look! There's the Rocky Mountains! 

Way off in the distance, just above the intersection of Colfax and Peoria.

I really miss seeing them every day. 


According to the Googles, in August 2023, at the intersection of Colfax and Peoria, new apartments are going in. They happen to be going in where Nick's Liquors, the Tax Preparer, vacant storefronts and the Taco Trailer once stood. Problem being that an apartment complex this large, needs to take out more than just those businesses to grow into the massive structure replacing them.


Further west down the block, this portion of those new apartments took out a used tire store, a small motel, and a longtime bar that previously ran right in the dead center of this picture...


The Zephyr Lounge was a family-owned bar, restaurant and live music venue that dated back to 1947. (See! It's that curved glass block, just like I said about Strait Lumber!) Like many small businesses, the Zephyr didn't recover from COVID, and the owner decided to sell the bar to the apartment development company. The very one responsible for turning a bar named after a train that ran from Chicago to Denver, into 450 units of "affordable" housing. 

When I took this picture in 2017, it didn't immediately register that I'd heard of this place before, despite never really coming to this part of town. In 2012, the local media reported that James Eagan Holmes was a frequent patron of the bar. (This rumor was not true, according to The Zephyr Lounge's owner.) Holmes was the dumbass that shot up the multiplex theater in Aurora, during a showing of the newest Batman movie, killing 12 and injuring 70. Police arrested Homes at his car, outside the theater.


You know, if I was a first responding police officer on scene that night, and I found this little incel behind the theater, with his stupid orange hair, and his little Hello Kitty backpack full of guns, ammo and body armor, responding to me asking what his name was, with "I'm the Joker". It would taken everything in my power to not fire a single shot between his stupid eyes and call it a day. 

See, I just made the world a better place!

Instead, he was arrested and eventually put on trial...


Where I was one of over 9,000 Arapahoe County citizens called to serve in "The Joker's" perspective jury pool. While I wasn't chosen (so long book deal), it was still an uncomfortable few days sitting through that interview and audition process. 

James Eagan Holmes faced 165 charges, during his 2015 trial. Many of which could result in the death penalty, He was ultimately found guilty, but was spared the death penalty due to reasons of insanity. Holmes was awarded 12 life sentences, plus an additional 3,300 years in prison, with no chance at parole.

I'm sure his prison mates are thrilled to share cells with The Joker. So much that in his first year of incarceration, Holmes was moved from Colorado to Allenwood, Pennsylvania, after he was assaulted by an inmate, while in Solitary.

Not like he's ever getting out. But I certainly wouldn't shed a tear if someone were to take him out...


I would have liked better photos of the Zephyr Lounge, before they tore this semi-famous watering hole down.


At least they left the sex motel across the street alone.


Where, according to the Googles, you can still have all the free horsey rides you want, included with your nightly rate.

May want to disinfect that butt shaped saddle first.

Maybe a few times... 


After you cross under I-225, there was an abandoned Kmart a mile or so east, at Colfax and Chambers. It is now a Vasa Fitness. They seemed to take a over a lot of the suddenly vacant big box retailers, after one pulled the plug on a large Denver store. I wrote about an old Safeway on Sheridan, that became much more Vasa than before, a couple years ago.

I drove Colfax east that morning, until it got uninteresting. Which was shortly before it merged with I-70.


At that point, I turned around to drive back west. Meaning I could take a better photo of Wolf's Motor Inn! Only got a blurry backside shot on the drive out here. Which didn't clearly show rooms. One of the larger roadside motels still operating on Colfax.

But in order to drive anywhere, you need to fill your car with gasoline.


Which, as of June 25, 2017, you could not purchase at Mile High Market, in Denver.

Since you can’t buy anything here, may as well just take a look around the place.

For the sake of storytelling, we’ll go right to left.

That’s unnatural!


The western wall of Mile High Market.

Nothing special here...


That chair looks almost exactly like the one in my office at home.

Only mine doesn’t have a blown out seat, and all five of the legs still have their wheels.


Looking in the far right front window. Empty pegboards and lots of cooler doors.


Mile High Market did provide ample cooler space for a convenience store this size.

Now used to rest removed shelving against. 


More cooler doors and pegboard...

You know... This is really boring.

Let's go back to the abandoned titty bar. It's only slightly more exciting, but at least it's something different.


Again, I wish this had been a cloudy morning. Which would have been a much more appropriate backdrop for this subject. Also wouldn't have the sun interfering with bad angled shadows.

PT's II: All Nude only operated under that name for a couple of years before the city closed them down. Previously, this was known as Saturday's. And is what a majority of Denver-ites remember it as.


A 2012 Googlesmobile drive-by gave me the Saturday's photo. 

In 1968, it was known as "Friday & Saturday's". Which evolved over time from a night club and live music venue, to dropping the "Friday &" part of their name in the 1980s. Just Saturday's became a gentleman's club in the 1990s, keeping that name until the 2015 PT's re-branding.

This Westword story has a nice history of the building.



Thanks for the postcard Googles! 

This building was originally the Famous Chef Restaurant operated by the three brother team of Harry, Jack and Milton Willner.

The Googles was so helpful with this building.


Even offering up an old breakfast menu scan!

Rock on! 20 cent stewed prunes!

Famous Chef closed in 1967.


This was my PT's II return west photo, from June 25, 2017. 


Almost a year later, on April 22, 2018.

The place hadn't yet been fenced off, so I decided to replicate my aborted photos from the last time through.


The PT's II: All Nude Smokers Balcony has some new accompanying artwork.

Which I think is a request for Smores. 


No homeless today! 

Just more tagger rough drafts.


And that's pretty much it. Someone has started smashing all of the cool red X brick.

An iconic look dating back to the Famous Chef!

That saddens me.


Looking at the front doors, it appears that PT's II: All Nude is no longer a public nuisance!

For some reason, that brings this awesome Whitest Kids U Know sketch...


Mermaid Zelda's Butt Shrimp will never NOT be funny!


Before I-70 bypassed Denver, roadside motels (such as the Aurora Motel) were a big moneymaker. Travelers had all sorts of options along Colfax, through Denver, as their last stop before crossing the Rocky Mountains.


Some of the dwindling few still in existence have been converted into small apartments. The Timberline Motel as an example of this conversion. Coincidentally, the Timberline Motel Apartments are located directly across the street from the massive new apartments built where the Zephyr Lounge, Nick's Liquors and other former businesses stood. Providing a stark contrast within eyesight of tenants of both properties.

They all need some more Mile High Market!


Looking past the retail floor towards the "fast food" section of the convenience store. I always hated it when upper management of the 99 Spillihp corporation referred to this section the store as fast food. Basically it was the fountain, and microwave sammiches. A hot dog and taquito roller grill, if you're lucky. Calling this fast food is so misleading.


Cigarette racks behind the cashier station.


The cashier station. Which seems rather large to me. 

I'd like a better look in that closet.


Broom! Dustpan! Triple sink!

Feel the excitement!


Different angle view of the cashier area.

That is a big ass safe.

But it's not as big as the Ahwahnee Motel.


I liked the roof on the front office of the Ahwahnee Motel. The window to the angled ceiling is a nice touch as well. The Ahwahnee dates back to 1933. There's also a great story about the original Ahwahnee Motel neon sign. Which was saved from a dumpster in 1999, and preserved.


According to the Googles, the Ahwahnee Motel fell into disrepair in recent years, and was sold. The new owners are currently renovating the buildings into apartments. I saw this picture before I read about the renovations, and was worried it had been abandoned and soon to be demolished. It's good to see these properties getting a second life as something productive. Rather than housing arranged in a giant box of right angles, with random multi-colored Tetris shapes jutting out or cutting in. Trying so hard to make it have character, yet achieving zero character. 


This isn't a good photo of the Restaurante El Tamarindo, because I was aiming my camera at the large cowboy boot sign. That large cowboy boot sign rules. Every few years it gets a new look before it was brown, it was bright white. These days, I see it's now painted in an American flag theme.


East Colfax Liquors lead quite the lineup of small businesses in their stripmall. Next door is Famous Buffalo Wings & Things, then Neighborhood Grocery, Pleasures Adult Entertainment Center, and a Metro PCS phone shop. This photo is from June 25, 2017. In 2024, all but Metro PCS are still open. But where can't you get a phone these days?

But this tells you about the long term quality goods and services available here!


Waiting for the left turn arrow at the intersection of Colfax and Quebec Street. In front of me, is one of those rare three car rear endings! I didn't see it happen, as all three cars worth of people were outside talking about the damage. I wasn't there for more than 30 seconds, before the light changed. I was several blocks south on Quebec me before the Denver PD arrived on scene. Keep me out of it.

And I was now driving southbound on Quebec Street, towards Watson's Memorials. 

If you haven't read Watson's Memorials yet, this would be the logical place to start it now.

Because releasing part 2 of a story BEFORE part 1 comes out, amuses me. 

Since I have no logical finish to this story, here's a couple of updates...


PT's: All Nude II continued to rot for a few more years (Googlesmobile photo from November 2020) before it was finally demolished in 2021.


In its place, grew this five story apartment building.

Which is great. Good job Denver. People need housing. 

But can't anyone come up with a architectural design that isn't this? This multi-colored pile of right angles has been played to death, nationwide, over the last two decades. When this trend started, it stood out. But since design hasn't evolved, this same looking thing is built EVERY time a city allows a building permit for apartments/condos. 

Since retro is always such a big deal, go back 100 years. Look at buildings from the 1920's, then develop some updated concept based on trends of that time. The look of places like this just screams trying to hard. "I need to stand out so much that I'm going to do everything I can to mirror the others that stand out!" 

Trying for interesting but circling right back around to boring.

Yelling at clouds time over.

All right. Let's wrap this up with the title subject.


I found that Mile High Market had reopened on an April 2018, drive east on Colfax. 

Damn sun (and my dirty windshield) ruined this picture too. I really should have stopped in to buy something. That was pretty shortsighted of me. 


A July 2024 Googlesmobile drive-by showed that Mile High Market's comeback was so well received that it was promoted to a Sinclair Dino Mart! 

Their canopy even got some colors back! To match it's new big boy logo!

So I guess that's a happy ending?


Not really...



*******

Getting this story posted saw an unplanned delay, as something Colfax related placed a curse on my -now 20 year old- Mac PowerBook G4. Per my typical routine when planning a new story, I made several folders to sort my images and notes. As the story comes together, these folders become obsolete and are deleted. However, this time something went wrong.


If you look closely, there are 5 various Colfax folders and one untitled folder in the trash. Which is where I put them after I was done with them. Now here’s where something went terribly wrong, and I’m not quite sure what it was. Those 6 folders are empty, 0k files. Their parent directory no longer exists, and they should just go away when you tell your computer to get rid of them.

But it wont.

Something has gone incredibly wrong with these empty folders. Not only will they not delete, but their continued existence has all but ruined the functionality of the entire computer. Dealing with this conflict won’t allow the computer to do any of its normal tasks at any sort of acceptable speed. The first night I spent trying to diagnose the problem and attempt the fixes I knew of, was a 6 hour exercise in futility. Clicking on anything resulted in 10+ minutes of a stalled out machine. I couldn’t open any programs, let alone empty the trash.

At least the next night I was able to get enough of it working that I could copy over everything that wasn’t backed up.

Not only the files for this story, but the scanned covers from my childhood collection of Mad Magazines. Which I had done over the weekend before the trash became unemptyable. While I haven’t yet settled on exactly what, they are likely to appear in a possible story, at some point. Could be October, could be 2031. Provided that Earth is still a thing by them. (All of these old issues of Mad -and Cracked- are still piled up on top of the Aero Bed box, next to the computer itself.)

So, If I have to follow through with the nuclear option, and wipe the hard drive, it’s not the end of the world. Everything I need and use are backed up and easily replaceable, so once I get it back up, I won’t be down for long.

I discussed this with a guy at work, who is much lots more smarter about stuff like this. He said I need the OS disks. I knew where they were when I lived in Colorado. Today? Not so much. And also, the CD/DVD Drive stopped working in 2017. He came up with a likely work around, so as soon as he has the time, I should be back up and running within a few days.

Sigh of relief.


Apparently that inflatable bed is my dream come true...

Is it filled with pot?

It's filled with dope and hundred dollar bills! It's your dream come true! Comfortable to sleep on, and you'll never be sober again! Need Smokes? Reach into the mattress, grab a fat fist full of Benjamins. It's like sleeping on Air! Or sleeping on dope and money... It's filled with features. Like our exclusive adjustable pot-filled chambers. Simply open the valve and pot spews fourth.... When you're done, fold it up and collect your money. And best of all, it includes a fully functional vagina. You'll never leave the house.

But listen to this! For an extra $10, we will include a small fairy in a test tube. When you open it, glitter comes fourth, it smells like chocolate, casts a rainbow over your living room, and grants you wishes. Best yet! The Aero Bed can be eaten to provide you with a daily amount of Vitamin C.

Well Doktor, I bought one of your Aero Beds when we moved into this house. I got none of those things.

Was I ripped off for buying it at the WalMarts?

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